I have tried to suppress a memory, but it's impossible. I feel the need to share this. But...I even hesitated upon consideration of sharing it with anyone. I am totally embarrassed about something. So, I thought the easiest way to deal with it at this point is to share it with everyone.
OK, here's what happened. I have a MySpace page, and decided to add some of my students from the class at the high school where I used to work. I did this simply to keep in touch, since I quit working there to go to school full time, and knew that I'd be curious about what they are up to. Now, I have to admit that I have become quite attached to all of these kids, and have kept them on my page sort of as a means to check up on them. You know, I want to make sure they are not doing anything totally dangerous and see that they make smart choices now that they are growing up into sane, responsible young adults. At least they are almost adults.
Well, I saw something last night that made me seriously consider our boundary issues and their sound decision making skills. It's not that I haven't questioned either before now. I guess these issues became glaringly familiar, as I clicked on a bulletin of one such student. He stated "check this out hahahahahaa".
*DISCLAIMER: What I am about to convey may cause some to shudder with embarrassment and others to laugh uncontrollably. Here goes...
Check it out I did, as my curiosity got the best of me (as always). I saw the image of his face in a video. I hit play. What I saw was so inappropriate for public viewing, and is now etched in my mind as something I'd rather not have seen in my lifetime. Although what he was doing is perfectly natural, especially for a boy his age; but what the f#$% was he thinking airing something so private and personal to literally hundreds of friends?!?! Can we say attention-seeking? Ya think?
For those of you who are unfamiliar, the bulletins posted are sent to every friend on your page. He obviously wasn't thinking that his former teacher's aide would see him masturbating in plain view, destined to be scarred forever!!! OK, I am exaggerating just a bit. Like I said, I do recognize this as natural...but with the caveat that it is meant to be a private and personal event, at least here in our Western culture. I just have a really difficult time imagining that already, and he has unfortunately made it a lot easier to picture.
My first response was to email him immediately, advising him to think before he clicked, or whatever. I really wanted to tell him that was totally inappropriate and unnecessary, and get all parental about it. Then I stopped myself. What was I doing, giving him attention for something he knew would get precisely that response? I was not about to reinforce this behavior. So I turned off my computer, and seriouly thought of deleting him from my page.
These boundaries seem way too flimsy. I am not his mama. I am not even his staff anymore. What to do? He's a smart, talented kid acting like a jack ass. What are my motives? Why am I so attached to what all of them are up to? I cannot save them from themselves. Some lessons are better learned without interference from this wise, experienced adult. And who's to say I am that wise, anyway? I still make some choices that do not serve my best interest. I am still a work in progress.
Thank you for letting me share. I promise I will never share anything nearly as intimate as he just did. Ever. *sigh*
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Teenagers Get Blamed for Everything, Don't They?
Stereotyping Youth
Many stereotypes exist in our society today. There are plenty of preconceived ideas about particular ethnic, social, or cultural groups that affect everyone. A stereotype is a simplification or broad generalization made about a person or group of people. There is one particular group that is often overlooked as being stereotyped: our youth. Young people today face many challenges in our fast paced, media saturated society. Adolescents are caught between childhood and adulthood, and expected to behave as adults, causing misunderstanding and judgment. Teenagers become stereotyped as lazy, superficial, irresponsible, and cruel. Making generalizations about adolescents in this way is unfair because: they are making the challenging transition into adulthood, have adult expectations placed on them, and are heavily influenced by society at large.
First, teens are going through the most difficult stage of their young lives. They are maturing rapidly, heading towards adulthood, but are not quite ready to behave like a mature adult. They are still developing, and judging them as lazy or irresponsible hinders their delicate process. Adolescent development involves the learning of important life skills, which uses a lot of energy. Teens require between 10-12 hours of sleep per night, and usually are unable to, due to insomnia or other issues. Also, teens are developing their identity, or sense of self. This may present itself through excessive attention to one’s appearance, and focus on other superficialities like hairstyles and fashionable clothing. Young people have a tendency to forget important things to do, like calling home to check in, or doing homework before going out with friends. They are extremely self-centered at this stage of development, and in the process of learning how to prioritize. Sometimes teens are very irresponsible, but this does not include everyone at that age, at all times. In Adolescence, cruelty can arise as identities are threatened. This happens everywhere, and is not exclusive to teenagers.
Secondly, adolescents often have adult expectations placed on them. Adults see a fully grown person in front of them, and assume that their brain is also fully grown. Research has shown that the human brain is still developing at a rapid rate until the age of 30. So, teenagers have less impulse control. They will tend to make choices based on their impulse, and face negative consequences. This is a part of the learning process. With guidance, teens can learn to make smarter choices and grow into mature, responsible adults. Unrealistic expectations of our youth can also bring negative consequences to our society. We expect them to behave as adults, so they begin engaging in adult activities that they are not yet ready for. Parents and educators can benefit from teaching problem solving and social skills in adolescents, preparing them for young adulthood.
Finally, society at large has a powerful influence on our youth. Media and technology target young people, dictating how they should live. Inundated by advertisements on TV, radio, and magazines, teens make choices about what to wear and how to communicate. The internet is by far the most accessible source of information, allowing people of all ages to be influenced. Movies depict violence and disrespect toward women and people of color. Cell phones now have so many features, and can cost nearly $500. What is our society telling our youth? They are getting the message (by text, no doubt) that material wealth is beneficial and necessary. They are also being told that communication can be indirect and perfunctory, and perhaps should be. It is no surprise that youth in America, and now other countries like Japan and China, are considered superficial and lazy. They are constantly bombarded by cruelty in commercials and video games. Why visit someone in person when you can send them an IM? Our media centered culture perpetuates the stereotypes frequently used in describing our youth, and other targeted groups as a whole.
In conclusion, using stereotypes is hurtful and unfair to our youth, and society in general. It is important to realize the changes teens go through before reaching adulthood. It is naïve to assume that all teens are lazy, superficial, irresponsible, or cruel, with all the challenges they are facing during this time. Their transition into adulthood, the expectations made of them, and the influence of media, can make these years extremely difficult. So much learning takes place during adolescence. We need to allow them to make mistakes, offering our guidance and direction. Lessons are most valuable when people are allowed to fail as a part of the learning process. Failure is a necessary tool for growth, and inevitably leads to success, if given the chance for a do-over.
Many stereotypes exist in our society today. There are plenty of preconceived ideas about particular ethnic, social, or cultural groups that affect everyone. A stereotype is a simplification or broad generalization made about a person or group of people. There is one particular group that is often overlooked as being stereotyped: our youth. Young people today face many challenges in our fast paced, media saturated society. Adolescents are caught between childhood and adulthood, and expected to behave as adults, causing misunderstanding and judgment. Teenagers become stereotyped as lazy, superficial, irresponsible, and cruel. Making generalizations about adolescents in this way is unfair because: they are making the challenging transition into adulthood, have adult expectations placed on them, and are heavily influenced by society at large.
First, teens are going through the most difficult stage of their young lives. They are maturing rapidly, heading towards adulthood, but are not quite ready to behave like a mature adult. They are still developing, and judging them as lazy or irresponsible hinders their delicate process. Adolescent development involves the learning of important life skills, which uses a lot of energy. Teens require between 10-12 hours of sleep per night, and usually are unable to, due to insomnia or other issues. Also, teens are developing their identity, or sense of self. This may present itself through excessive attention to one’s appearance, and focus on other superficialities like hairstyles and fashionable clothing. Young people have a tendency to forget important things to do, like calling home to check in, or doing homework before going out with friends. They are extremely self-centered at this stage of development, and in the process of learning how to prioritize. Sometimes teens are very irresponsible, but this does not include everyone at that age, at all times. In Adolescence, cruelty can arise as identities are threatened. This happens everywhere, and is not exclusive to teenagers.
Secondly, adolescents often have adult expectations placed on them. Adults see a fully grown person in front of them, and assume that their brain is also fully grown. Research has shown that the human brain is still developing at a rapid rate until the age of 30. So, teenagers have less impulse control. They will tend to make choices based on their impulse, and face negative consequences. This is a part of the learning process. With guidance, teens can learn to make smarter choices and grow into mature, responsible adults. Unrealistic expectations of our youth can also bring negative consequences to our society. We expect them to behave as adults, so they begin engaging in adult activities that they are not yet ready for. Parents and educators can benefit from teaching problem solving and social skills in adolescents, preparing them for young adulthood.
Finally, society at large has a powerful influence on our youth. Media and technology target young people, dictating how they should live. Inundated by advertisements on TV, radio, and magazines, teens make choices about what to wear and how to communicate. The internet is by far the most accessible source of information, allowing people of all ages to be influenced. Movies depict violence and disrespect toward women and people of color. Cell phones now have so many features, and can cost nearly $500. What is our society telling our youth? They are getting the message (by text, no doubt) that material wealth is beneficial and necessary. They are also being told that communication can be indirect and perfunctory, and perhaps should be. It is no surprise that youth in America, and now other countries like Japan and China, are considered superficial and lazy. They are constantly bombarded by cruelty in commercials and video games. Why visit someone in person when you can send them an IM? Our media centered culture perpetuates the stereotypes frequently used in describing our youth, and other targeted groups as a whole.
In conclusion, using stereotypes is hurtful and unfair to our youth, and society in general. It is important to realize the changes teens go through before reaching adulthood. It is naïve to assume that all teens are lazy, superficial, irresponsible, or cruel, with all the challenges they are facing during this time. Their transition into adulthood, the expectations made of them, and the influence of media, can make these years extremely difficult. So much learning takes place during adolescence. We need to allow them to make mistakes, offering our guidance and direction. Lessons are most valuable when people are allowed to fail as a part of the learning process. Failure is a necessary tool for growth, and inevitably leads to success, if given the chance for a do-over.
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