Going to Any Lengths With Macrame and christianity with a little c

Sunday, May 11, 2008


I had a lovely Mother's Day dinner at the folks' house tonight. We talked for an hour or so about various topics, beginning with my sneaking out as a teen and ending with christian with a little "c".

So here's the story. I only snuck out of my bedroom window once. After that, my dad simply screwed it in place so I could not even open the window. I was probably around 15 years old at the time, just starting to get a little crazy, but not so bad that I got arrested or injured...yet. That was not until I became a legal adult. Anyway, it astounds me that I didn't just take out the screw. Maybe I was scared of getting busted for taking it out, or worried I wouldn't be able to replace it? It also surprises me that I didn't use the front door. That is all I remember doing, although the memory of the window came back upon reflection.

My mom asked me tonight if I remembered the bells on the front door. I was drawing a total blank. She told me that they nailed an old macrame wall hanging above the door (I remember it as a plant holder actually) so the bells attached to it would sound if I snuck out. I think this is hilarious, imagining some ugly macrame whatever thing over the door to deter their wayward teen from sneaking out. Instead of confrontation, they used tactics that would (conceivably) prevent me from leaving. Tonight, I referred to this as "natural consequences". They usually had no problem with confronting me about this kind of stuff, as I recall. But perhaps what I remember is young adulthood, when I bounced in and out of living there and just came and went through the front door. The bells were gone by then for sure.

The other challenge I had was when my mom would be awake, watching TV, after getting a call from a patient. She often would have trouble getting back to sleep, and was up at all hours at times, in the living room near the front door. In my 20s, I would do the walk of shame, reeking of booze at 3-4am, disappointed that I couldn't make food. When I could make something to nibble on, it was a full course meal of cheap elbow macaroni and tomato paste, seasoned with lots of spices.

My mom asked me where I went when I snuck out. As an adult, I told her a few likely places without hesitation. We usually went down to a place in Carpinteria (CA) called the Square, above the beach. Sometimes we went to State Park, and other times down to Shit Creek, as we so lovingly called the creek near our shores. Carpas, or Carp (Carpinteria for short) is a small town, so everyone knows everyone and everything you're doing. My parents didn't know the details, but I am sure they could have guessed that there was drinking involved. I am not sure if the vomiting and confusion set in until age 17, but there was definitely beer and boys. Actually, I was hanging with men in their late 20s, early 30s. Not such a good scene, in fact.

As I ought to get into my cozy bed soon, I will tell you about the christian with a little "c" part of this story. My mom was brought up Jewish, and does not practice any formal religion. Although we celebrate Passover and Hannukah, we are not orthodox and have never been to temple. My dad has a Christian upbringing, his parents following the King James Version of the Bible. I went to Protestant church as a wee child, but do not currently attend any congregation. My mom has claimed over the years to be an atheist. One time she did qualify as spiritual, however. I totally understand this. Anyway, we were discussing religion and all its aspects, all the way from Religious Serpent Handling in the Pentacostal churches of West Virginia, to ancient history, to Catholicism vs. all other Christian sects. Specifically, my mom was referring to those in the Catholic Church suffering through this life, with the belief that the after life will be better, and the others' belief in being good in this life.

I believe in the power of being completely in the present moment. The Universe, power greater than ourselves, or what some call God, takes care of the rest. I believe in consequences for our behavior, that either will serve us or will not. I want to remember daily that all beings want to be free from suffering and want happiness, that compassion for others is paramount.

That being said, my mom's closing thoughts on the subject were, "I believe in being christian with a little c. You know, living by the Ten Commandments." She was saying that a good life did involve some rules, but that all we need to worry about is being kind to one another. Nice. I like that kind of simplicity.

Indecent Exposure and a Major Case of TMI

I have tried to suppress a memory, but it's impossible. I feel the need to share this. But...I even hesitated upon consideration of sharing it with anyone. I am totally embarrassed about something. So, I thought the easiest way to deal with it at this point is to share it with everyone.

OK, here's what happened. I have a MySpace page, and decided to add some of my students from the class at the high school where I used to work. I did this simply to keep in touch, since I quit working there to go to school full time, and knew that I'd be curious about what they are up to. Now, I have to admit that I have become quite attached to all of these kids, and have kept them on my page sort of as a means to check up on them. You know, I want to make sure they are not doing anything totally dangerous and see that they make smart choices now that they are growing up into sane, responsible young adults. At least they are almost adults.

Well, I saw something last night that made me seriously consider our boundary issues and their sound decision making skills. It's not that I haven't questioned either before now. I guess these issues became glaringly familiar, as I clicked on a bulletin of one such student. He stated "check this out hahahahahaa".

*DISCLAIMER: What I am about to convey may cause some to shudder with embarrassment and others to laugh uncontrollably. Here goes...

Check it out I did, as my curiosity got the best of me (as always). I saw the image of his face in a video. I hit play. What I saw was so inappropriate for public viewing, and is now etched in my mind as something I'd rather not have seen in my lifetime. Although what he was doing is perfectly natural, especially for a boy his age; but what the f#$% was he thinking airing something so private and personal to literally hundreds of friends?!?! Can we say attention-seeking? Ya think?

For those of you who are unfamiliar, the bulletins posted are sent to every friend on your page. He obviously wasn't thinking that his former teacher's aide would see him masturbating in plain view, destined to be scarred forever!!! OK, I am exaggerating just a bit. Like I said, I do recognize this as natural...but with the caveat that it is meant to be a private and personal event, at least here in our Western culture. I just have a really difficult time imagining that already, and he has unfortunately made it a lot easier to picture.

My first response was to email him immediately, advising him to think before he clicked, or whatever. I really wanted to tell him that was totally inappropriate and unnecessary, and get all parental about it. Then I stopped myself. What was I doing, giving him attention for something he knew would get precisely that response? I was not about to reinforce this behavior. So I turned off my computer, and seriouly thought of deleting him from my page.

These boundaries seem way too flimsy. I am not his mama. I am not even his staff anymore. What to do? He's a smart, talented kid acting like a jack ass. What are my motives? Why am I so attached to what all of them are up to? I cannot save them from themselves. Some lessons are better learned without interference from this wise, experienced adult. And who's to say I am that wise, anyway? I still make some choices that do not serve my best interest. I am still a work in progress.

Thank you for letting me share. I promise I will never share anything nearly as intimate as he just did. Ever. *sigh*