Here is my Benji, the cutest, most wonderful doggie ever. When I took this photo, he was just 4 months old & living at a shelter called DAWG. He came home that day, which was March 29th, 2009; so we decided to make his birthday November 29th. He had a traumatic beginning, found on the side of the road in Lompoc with his sister & mother. They all got adopted. He has had a happy ending in a loving home in Santa Barbara.

There are many more sweet canine companions still waiting for a home. DAWG is open to the public on the weekends, or you can call for an appointment. The volunteers are so dedicated to helping the dogs adjust & stay comfortable. If you are not in a position to adopt, there are lots of opportunities to volunteer or foster a dog. For more info, please visit: http://www.sbdawg.org/

Going to Any Lengths With Macrame and christianity with a little c

Sunday, May 11, 2008


I had a lovely Mother's Day dinner at the folks' house tonight. We talked for an hour or so about various topics, beginning with my sneaking out as a teen and ending with christian with a little "c".

So here's the story. I only snuck out of my bedroom window once. After that, my dad simply screwed it in place so I could not even open the window. I was probably around 15 years old at the time, just starting to get a little crazy, but not so bad that I got arrested or injured...yet. That was not until I became a legal adult. Anyway, it astounds me that I didn't just take out the screw. Maybe I was scared of getting busted for taking it out, or worried I wouldn't be able to replace it? It also surprises me that I didn't use the front door. That is all I remember doing, although the memory of the window came back upon reflection.

My mom asked me tonight if I remembered the bells on the front door. I was drawing a total blank. She told me that they nailed an old macrame wall hanging above the door (I remember it as a plant holder actually) so the bells attached to it would sound if I snuck out. I think this is hilarious, imagining some ugly macrame whatever thing over the door to deter their wayward teen from sneaking out. Instead of confrontation, they used tactics that would (conceivably) prevent me from leaving. Tonight, I referred to this as "natural consequences". They usually had no problem with confronting me about this kind of stuff, as I recall. But perhaps what I remember is young adulthood, when I bounced in and out of living there and just came and went through the front door. The bells were gone by then for sure.

The other challenge I had was when my mom would be awake, watching TV, after getting a call from a patient. She often would have trouble getting back to sleep, and was up at all hours at times, in the living room near the front door. In my 20s, I would do the walk of shame, reeking of booze at 3-4am, disappointed that I couldn't make food. When I could make something to nibble on, it was a full course meal of cheap elbow macaroni and tomato paste, seasoned with lots of spices.

My mom asked me where I went when I snuck out. As an adult, I told her a few likely places without hesitation. We usually went down to a place in Carpinteria (CA) called the Square, above the beach. Sometimes we went to State Park, and other times down to Shit Creek, as we so lovingly called the creek near our shores. Carpas, or Carp (Carpinteria for short) is a small town, so everyone knows everyone and everything you're doing. My parents didn't know the details, but I am sure they could have guessed that there was drinking involved. I am not sure if the vomiting and confusion set in until age 17, but there was definitely beer and boys. Actually, I was hanging with men in their late 20s, early 30s. Not such a good scene, in fact.

As I ought to get into my cozy bed soon, I will tell you about the christian with a little "c" part of this story. My mom was brought up Jewish, and does not practice any formal religion. Although we celebrate Passover and Hannukah, we are not orthodox and have never been to temple. My dad has a Christian upbringing, his parents following the King James Version of the Bible. I went to Protestant church as a wee child, but do not currently attend any congregation. My mom has claimed over the years to be an atheist. One time she did qualify as spiritual, however. I totally understand this. Anyway, we were discussing religion and all its aspects, all the way from Religious Serpent Handling in the Pentacostal churches of West Virginia, to ancient history, to Catholicism vs. all other Christian sects. Specifically, my mom was referring to those in the Catholic Church suffering through this life, with the belief that the after life will be better, and the others' belief in being good in this life.

I believe in the power of being completely in the present moment. The Universe, power greater than ourselves, or what some call God, takes care of the rest. I believe in consequences for our behavior, that either will serve us or will not. I want to remember daily that all beings want to be free from suffering and want happiness, that compassion for others is paramount.

That being said, my mom's closing thoughts on the subject were, "I believe in being christian with a little c. You know, living by the Ten Commandments." She was saying that a good life did involve some rules, but that all we need to worry about is being kind to one another. Nice. I like that kind of simplicity.

Celebrating Life

I attended a memorial today, with a long reception following, filled with family and friends. We joined together to remember my friend's father, he himself unable to remember much in the last 14 years. He was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 1994. Riki came home to care for him alongside his mother, May, spending every day with him for the last 7 years. His name was Masanori Matsumura, and everyone called him Mas.

I met Riki's dad a few times through the years, but mostly we just said hello here and there and didn't talk much. Riki and my brother John were friends all through high school, so I didn't know Riki and his family too well.

Well, the last time I saw Mas was December 21st, 2007, just after Riki and I went to lunch. Mas was bundled up in blankets, eyes closed and watery. He had hiccups, which seemed to bother him. Riki and May played word games, rhyming with him to prompt words to come forth. Well, he said my name, in response to Riki singing "Michelle, my belle!" I was touched by this moment, witnessing an every day miracle. It was so powerful to watch this beautiful family staying connected. My visit was indescribably wonderful. I held hands with Mas, kissing him on the cheek as I said Goodbye. 3 weeks later, he let go. Now he is at peace.

As I watched the video that Riki produced, replete with childhood pictures, music, and tender words of love spoken to his "darling May", tears rolled down my face, as was the case with most of us. Laughter escaped our trembling lips, as Riki slipped in some very well placed humor for our hearts to smile. I saw pictures of Mas with his brother and sister, and then watched as Riki and his sisters appeared, closer than ever. Later, at the house, I was privileged to meet the entire Matsumura family present. Everyone was completely real, with smiles and tears abound. We had plenty of food and conversation, talking for hours. I watched Riki play with Lucy, friend Mary's 3 year old daughter. She proclaimed he'd play the daddy and she'd be the baby, and then they would switch. They adore each other, and I noticed how good he connects with kids.

I didn't want to leave early as I previously predicted. I skipped my class, and stayed until 8pm. When I did go, the remaining family members walked me to my car at the church around the corner. At one point, May and I walked arm and arm alone in the dark, and Riki joined us to ensure our safety. He reminded me of the flowers I had forgotten, having brought them to me. We all said our goodbyes, and I went home feeling warm and tired in the cold, winter night. Away from city lights, the stars shone brightly, sending us well wishes as changes come.

I have some personal changes happening lately, but I cannot imagine what it must feel like to suddenly have all this freedom to choose what to do for the day, when just weeks ago, Mas needed constant care. What does this mean for Riki, who put his adult life on hold for the past 7 years? Where will life lead him now?

I have fallen in love. I adore Riki and his entire family. This is one of those moments when I have to wonder...Why haven't I noticed this incredibly amazing person before? Such humility is often overlooked. He quietly and graciously put aside all that matters to him in his personal life to be with his father. He pursued his interests in film, yet within a limited capacity. Now he can plunge into the deep pool of life again. I hope I will be there when he does.

This I know for certain: I am grateful for being fully present today, able to be there for Riki, May, and the rest of the family. What an experience.

Peace and love to all of you!

~~Masanori "Mas" Matsumura~~
~August 16th, 1937-January 12th, 2008~