Not sure yet...

I want to live my life with complete and utter abandon. That is, I am willing to just let things and people be, including myself! Living with complete abandon is not necessarily being out of control. Actually, what it means to me is I am living fully...free to express my feelings, observe my zillions of thoughts and not be attached to them, and be compassionately honest with myself and everyone around me.

On another seemingly unrelated note...I just read all sorts of opinions on the book by Eckhart Tolle called A New Earth. I got so entrenched by all the negativity and anger spewing forth, it made me just about as frustrated as the person venting. I guess an issue is that people in the Christian faith are offended. Well, some of them. No, correction. One of them. This one woman was posting like crazy about Jesus being our only savior, and we are all sinners, and essentially was mad at Eckhart Tolle, or warning us against him as a false prophet. Oh jeepers.

So of course I had to give her a little peace and love offering. Sometimes I wonder, however, if she can even hear that message, or is just reading it as her opposition to be reckoned with. And is my ego involved in what I told her, or am I truly helping by being calm and serene, and definitely spiritual? OK, I guess if I have to question it, I was not being as spiritual as I had hoped. But my heart was in the right place, clearly. See how our minds can take us where we need not go? Had I not began writing about this, I would have been satisfied with my response to her and moved on. Or not be satisfied, still moving on.

But, alas, I get sucked in. I get thrown into the chaos, and seem to welcome it, perhaps even enjoy it. Hmm. Could this be one of my character challenges. For all friends of Bill, that’s my positive version of "character defects". I just came up with that. You like? I love it.

Anyway, my addiction to drama is still alive and well. Back to this living with complete abandon. I conceptualize this as the ability to live life without the burden of fear that holds so many of us down. This fear causes us to feel pain in our bodies, and our spirits suffer. I am learning to live free from fear.

I have had this overwhelming fear of not doing it right. Here is another one of my character challenges...perfectionism. So today I am writing without any edits, save spelling/grammar fixes...progress, not perfection. Ha ha. I am really good at spotting grammatical errors. I might be a good editor, actually. But this perfectionISM holds me back from fully living. I end up judging myself and others for not being perfect enough.

The spiritual, sane part of me realizes that I am imperfectly perfect, just as I am. So is everyone else. I can be at times so accepting of others, I bring out the best in them. This is beautiful. Simultaneously, I can own my own power and love myself by setting and maintaining boundaries. What a precious gift.

I wrote to this Christian woman that books and language are simply tools. I hope that my tool was used as a way to be of service to her today. I sensed great anger (fear) from her. I relate. Been there, done that.

Again, in regard to living my life with complete abandon (I want to stay on task)...I believe I am getting closer. I have expanded my weekend trips. I used to just go to Blockbuster and Trader Joes’s. I actually went to a First Thursday event at my friend’s spa (which is at this web address, btw... http://www.thehealthgallery.com/ ) and got hemp milk at Lassen’s last week. Oooh, so exciting. Ha ha. Seriously, though, that is progress.

Peace and Love to all of y’all.

Information Police in SB?

I went for my walk this morning and noticed a woman tearing down flyers off of power poles. I had actually just been wondering what they might say, as they were across the street too far from view.

I was curious about her reason for doing this. Moreover, I was a little annoyed that she was taking it upon herself to remove what someone obviously wanted others to see. Where does she get off deciding what people should or should not read? Whatever happened to free speech? I eagerly anticipated seeing another flyer. I wanted to know what this was all about. Was she offended? If I were offended by it, would I have removed the flyers too? Perhaps the message was hateful, like a racial epithet.

Then again, freedom of speech includes words we do not all agree with. Hmm.

So, as I walked past Our Lady of Sorrows Catholic Church, I saw a flyer on the ground. This was different (I had seen a graphic of a face on the other ones).

This flyer said the following:

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DOES YOUR FAITH ATTACK OTHER RELIGIONS?
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"In addition to being a lover of young boys and men, Jesus was prone to outbursts of temper and hatred." - L.Ron Hubbard, founder of Scientology
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LEARN THE TRUTH ABOUT SCIENTOLOGY

www.bible.ca/scientology-christianity.compared.htm

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When I picked it up, I only glanced at the quote, so I believed this to be particularly offensive. Honestly, I believe it is offensive to spread negativity in general, even when exposing someone like L.Ron Hubbard for the ridiculous cult leader that he is. Anyway, I believed I had just stumbled upon the same kind of offensive material I had suspected this woman may have encountered (assuming she was offended). I burst out laughing, knowing that if I were to stand my ground, I would have to leave the other flyers alone. There were several stapled to trees, which was an additional annoyance. I had even said to myself earlier that I was glad the flyers weren’t attached to a tree.

So I kept the one, and left the rest of them on the trees. I do believe in freedom of speech, whether good, bad or indifferent.

I am grateful that I am able to own my power, use my voice to spread a message of peace, love, and compassion for all sentient beings. Even those who want to suppress it.

PS. I do not endorse nor condemn scientology or the belief in Jesus as the Messiah. However, I have strong leanings toward the teachings I’ve heard throughout my life that include messages of love and patience for all humankind. I am sure you can all guess who that might be. It ain’t Ron.