I keep reading my friend’s blogs. I never really talk to him anymore. We dated briefly, when I lived on Robbie Circle. I thought this was cute, since that’s his name (only without the "e" at the end). I just check his MySpace now, since he no longer calls or emails me. His blogs are going beyond the usual tortured artist rants, and entering into what I can only view as deep, painful bouts of depression.
Is expression of painful feelings by way of cyberspace really helping him, or anyone for that matter? Can relief be found from this?
Well, I know that writing brings me relief. So I suppose it helps for him to vent. But all I observe from this person is a reflection of his life as a living hell, with tiny glimpses of blue skies now and then.
I want to make him all better. I know that I cannot. This is my issue. I got over being ignored by him a while ago. Now I just want the best for him, even if we never speak again. I wish for him to find peace, whatever that means for him.
I used to call him my little gothic boy, and he would call me kid. He was always kind to me, and is a good man. This I know, even with some fuzzy memories filled with question marks. It feels like ages ago, and just yesterday all at once. Again, I meet my past with a clarity I never had then. One more time, I get the sense that it is time to take a look at reality with fresh eyes. I guess I will find my own peace there.
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