The Miracle of Waiting

There is magic in the space between. The more I chase a dream, the less I see of it. If I pause, and simply wait for the Great Universe to do its thing, everything I ever wanted starts happening. Other times all that I never wanted but definitely need begins to manifest. Isn’t it interesting that we often think we want or need a relationship or situation in our lives to be a certain way, and in fact we need quite another?

Often when I am unwilling to let go of the wishing, wanting, and running after someone or something, I fail to notice the space between. This is when everything is cooking. Some stuff needs to simmer a while to become full of delicious flavor, as intended.

Another miracle I get to witness these days is the result of my taking action. Sometimes we wonder when we will see the outcome of what we made happen. Well, I can see that I plant seeds. I tend to this garden we call life, and I can’t always see what will grow. Wait for it...I have been saying this to myself, as a gentle reminder to stay patient.

So this is why the concept of one day at a time always works. I may have goals and plans, but on a daily basis, I let go and focus on the here and now.

Today, I got a phone call. Tonight at 10:20pm, in fact. He called me drunk, and said he wants to get sober. I let him sleep it off, telling him to call in the morning. I called a couple of guys to see about going to a meeting tomorrow. I have waited for that call for a very long time. I heard the desperation in his voice, which I am familiar with on a cellular level. This brings me hope, as I found that desperation and utter despair to be the greatest gift I have ever received.

I am so grateful to be safe, sane, and sober. I am grateful to love myself, so that others may benefit.

Peace and Love my family. :)

Reflections On A Blog Reflecting Bad News

I keep reading my friend’s blogs. I never really talk to him anymore. We dated briefly, when I lived on Robbie Circle. I thought this was cute, since that’s his name (only without the "e" at the end). I just check his MySpace now, since he no longer calls or emails me. His blogs are going beyond the usual tortured artist rants, and entering into what I can only view as deep, painful bouts of depression.

Is expression of painful feelings by way of cyberspace really helping him, or anyone for that matter? Can relief be found from this?

Well, I know that writing brings me relief. So I suppose it helps for him to vent. But all I observe from this person is a reflection of his life as a living hell, with tiny glimpses of blue skies now and then.

I want to make him all better. I know that I cannot. This is my issue. I got over being ignored by him a while ago. Now I just want the best for him, even if we never speak again. I wish for him to find peace, whatever that means for him.

I used to call him my little gothic boy, and he would call me kid. He was always kind to me, and is a good man. This I know, even with some fuzzy memories filled with question marks. It feels like ages ago, and just yesterday all at once. Again, I meet my past with a clarity I never had then. One more time, I get the sense that it is time to take a look at reality with fresh eyes. I guess I will find my own peace there.

Discovering Me

I can be a barefoot walk on the beach, on a warm summer evening at sunset. I could be your hero, but I am not. You are your hero...find it within. I find humor in the habits of strangers, or friends I have yet to meet. I can be found in nature, a breath of life on every corner, smiling at the birds and freshness of flowers. I love the sound of my own voice, yet lately others sound amazing. Listening is becoming a spiritual experience.
I am human...hear me whisper, shout, giggle, and cry. Hear my words, they are simpler than before. Why say more?