Vlad Clearly had Issues, but Kappa was merely flatulent

We learned about vampires and werewolves today in our Bizarre Behavior class. I love being assigned readings on vampires. How awesome it is to study the history and different ways the myth has played out in real life. We discussed two historical vampires, actual people who maimed and killed from blood lust.

The most infamous was Vlad the Impaler. Vlad was a contemporary rogue named Dracula, which means Son of the Devil. Vlad was born in 1431 in Transylvania, Hungary. As a boy, he and his brother were kept as hostages of the Turks, where they were forced to live until adulthood. He later took over the throne and formed an alliance with the Turks.Well, he had a thing about impaling. In 1569, he had an Easter Sunday feast for the townfolk. Vlad arrested most of the guests, and impaled the rest. On another occasion, he invited all those unfortunates-the poor, crippled, hungry. He fed them, then proceeded to lock the room and set it on fire. This was merely the beginning.

Vlad impaled 30,000 people in one day, for tax evasion. He also boiled and burned people alive, and disemboweled pregnant mothers. Turks had turbans nailed to their heads after they refused to remove them. Vlad was eventually imprisoned, but allowed freedom to come and go. Personally, this makes no sense to me...it's an oxymoron to be imprisoned and free at the same time. During this time, he continued to kill, and was known to impale animals and even insects. Aside from being horrified, I wondered what he used to impale an insect...a toothpick? This was one sick man.

On a much lighter note...We learned of the Japanese mythical creature named Kappa. This monkeylike critter with reptilian features has 3 ani (that is plural for anus, by the way...), which explains the powerful fart. Kappa-Maki is a popular sushi dish, named this because the Kappa finds cucumber is delicious. Kappa can function as a vampire, and has been blamed for bad events such as violence or disease. He stays powerful by keeping his head wet.

Another funny bit of trivia...werewolves are frequently sighted in Wisconsin. They are 7-8 feet tall, 400+ pounds, look like wolves, and stand upright like men. I wonder why Wisconsin has so many? Hmm.

I don’t know about you all, but I would much rather take my chances with the Kappa then to ever be near Vlad. Vlad was beyond bad. Farts I can handle.