I have tried to suppress a memory, but it's impossible. I feel the need to share this. But...I even hesitated upon consideration of sharing it with anyone. I am totally embarrassed about something. So, I thought the easiest way to deal with it at this point is to share it with everyone.
OK, here's what happened. I have a MySpace page, and decided to add some of my students from the class at the high school where I used to work. I did this simply to keep in touch, since I quit working there to go to school full time, and knew that I'd be curious about what they are up to. Now, I have to admit that I have become quite attached to all of these kids, and have kept them on my page sort of as a means to check up on them. You know, I want to make sure they are not doing anything totally dangerous and see that they make smart choices now that they are growing up into sane, responsible young adults. At least they are almost adults.
Well, I saw something last night that made me seriously consider our boundary issues and their sound decision making skills. It's not that I haven't questioned either before now. I guess these issues became glaringly familiar, as I clicked on a bulletin of one such student. He stated "check this out hahahahahaa".
*DISCLAIMER: What I am about to convey may cause some to shudder with embarrassment and others to laugh uncontrollably. Here goes...
Check it out I did, as my curiosity got the best of me (as always). I saw the image of his face in a video. I hit play. What I saw was so inappropriate for public viewing, and is now etched in my mind as something I'd rather not have seen in my lifetime. Although what he was doing is perfectly natural, especially for a boy his age; but what the f#$% was he thinking airing something so private and personal to literally hundreds of friends?!?! Can we say attention-seeking? Ya think?
For those of you who are unfamiliar, the bulletins posted are sent to every friend on your page. He obviously wasn't thinking that his former teacher's aide would see him masturbating in plain view, destined to be scarred forever!!! OK, I am exaggerating just a bit. Like I said, I do recognize this as natural...but with the caveat that it is meant to be a private and personal event, at least here in our Western culture. I just have a really difficult time imagining that already, and he has unfortunately made it a lot easier to picture.
My first response was to email him immediately, advising him to think before he clicked, or whatever. I really wanted to tell him that was totally inappropriate and unnecessary, and get all parental about it. Then I stopped myself. What was I doing, giving him attention for something he knew would get precisely that response? I was not about to reinforce this behavior. So I turned off my computer, and seriouly thought of deleting him from my page.
These boundaries seem way too flimsy. I am not his mama. I am not even his staff anymore. What to do? He's a smart, talented kid acting like a jack ass. What are my motives? Why am I so attached to what all of them are up to? I cannot save them from themselves. Some lessons are better learned without interference from this wise, experienced adult. And who's to say I am that wise, anyway? I still make some choices that do not serve my best interest. I am still a work in progress.
Thank you for letting me share. I promise I will never share anything nearly as intimate as he just did. Ever. *sigh*
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Teenagers Get Blamed for Everything, Don't They?
Stereotyping Youth
Many stereotypes exist in our society today. There are plenty of preconceived ideas about particular ethnic, social, or cultural groups that affect everyone. A stereotype is a simplification or broad generalization made about a person or group of people. There is one particular group that is often overlooked as being stereotyped: our youth. Young people today face many challenges in our fast paced, media saturated society. Adolescents are caught between childhood and adulthood, and expected to behave as adults, causing misunderstanding and judgment. Teenagers become stereotyped as lazy, superficial, irresponsible, and cruel. Making generalizations about adolescents in this way is unfair because: they are making the challenging transition into adulthood, have adult expectations placed on them, and are heavily influenced by society at large.
First, teens are going through the most difficult stage of their young lives. They are maturing rapidly, heading towards adulthood, but are not quite ready to behave like a mature adult. They are still developing, and judging them as lazy or irresponsible hinders their delicate process. Adolescent development involves the learning of important life skills, which uses a lot of energy. Teens require between 10-12 hours of sleep per night, and usually are unable to, due to insomnia or other issues. Also, teens are developing their identity, or sense of self. This may present itself through excessive attention to one’s appearance, and focus on other superficialities like hairstyles and fashionable clothing. Young people have a tendency to forget important things to do, like calling home to check in, or doing homework before going out with friends. They are extremely self-centered at this stage of development, and in the process of learning how to prioritize. Sometimes teens are very irresponsible, but this does not include everyone at that age, at all times. In Adolescence, cruelty can arise as identities are threatened. This happens everywhere, and is not exclusive to teenagers.
Secondly, adolescents often have adult expectations placed on them. Adults see a fully grown person in front of them, and assume that their brain is also fully grown. Research has shown that the human brain is still developing at a rapid rate until the age of 30. So, teenagers have less impulse control. They will tend to make choices based on their impulse, and face negative consequences. This is a part of the learning process. With guidance, teens can learn to make smarter choices and grow into mature, responsible adults. Unrealistic expectations of our youth can also bring negative consequences to our society. We expect them to behave as adults, so they begin engaging in adult activities that they are not yet ready for. Parents and educators can benefit from teaching problem solving and social skills in adolescents, preparing them for young adulthood.
Finally, society at large has a powerful influence on our youth. Media and technology target young people, dictating how they should live. Inundated by advertisements on TV, radio, and magazines, teens make choices about what to wear and how to communicate. The internet is by far the most accessible source of information, allowing people of all ages to be influenced. Movies depict violence and disrespect toward women and people of color. Cell phones now have so many features, and can cost nearly $500. What is our society telling our youth? They are getting the message (by text, no doubt) that material wealth is beneficial and necessary. They are also being told that communication can be indirect and perfunctory, and perhaps should be. It is no surprise that youth in America, and now other countries like Japan and China, are considered superficial and lazy. They are constantly bombarded by cruelty in commercials and video games. Why visit someone in person when you can send them an IM? Our media centered culture perpetuates the stereotypes frequently used in describing our youth, and other targeted groups as a whole.
In conclusion, using stereotypes is hurtful and unfair to our youth, and society in general. It is important to realize the changes teens go through before reaching adulthood. It is naïve to assume that all teens are lazy, superficial, irresponsible, or cruel, with all the challenges they are facing during this time. Their transition into adulthood, the expectations made of them, and the influence of media, can make these years extremely difficult. So much learning takes place during adolescence. We need to allow them to make mistakes, offering our guidance and direction. Lessons are most valuable when people are allowed to fail as a part of the learning process. Failure is a necessary tool for growth, and inevitably leads to success, if given the chance for a do-over.
Many stereotypes exist in our society today. There are plenty of preconceived ideas about particular ethnic, social, or cultural groups that affect everyone. A stereotype is a simplification or broad generalization made about a person or group of people. There is one particular group that is often overlooked as being stereotyped: our youth. Young people today face many challenges in our fast paced, media saturated society. Adolescents are caught between childhood and adulthood, and expected to behave as adults, causing misunderstanding and judgment. Teenagers become stereotyped as lazy, superficial, irresponsible, and cruel. Making generalizations about adolescents in this way is unfair because: they are making the challenging transition into adulthood, have adult expectations placed on them, and are heavily influenced by society at large.
First, teens are going through the most difficult stage of their young lives. They are maturing rapidly, heading towards adulthood, but are not quite ready to behave like a mature adult. They are still developing, and judging them as lazy or irresponsible hinders their delicate process. Adolescent development involves the learning of important life skills, which uses a lot of energy. Teens require between 10-12 hours of sleep per night, and usually are unable to, due to insomnia or other issues. Also, teens are developing their identity, or sense of self. This may present itself through excessive attention to one’s appearance, and focus on other superficialities like hairstyles and fashionable clothing. Young people have a tendency to forget important things to do, like calling home to check in, or doing homework before going out with friends. They are extremely self-centered at this stage of development, and in the process of learning how to prioritize. Sometimes teens are very irresponsible, but this does not include everyone at that age, at all times. In Adolescence, cruelty can arise as identities are threatened. This happens everywhere, and is not exclusive to teenagers.
Secondly, adolescents often have adult expectations placed on them. Adults see a fully grown person in front of them, and assume that their brain is also fully grown. Research has shown that the human brain is still developing at a rapid rate until the age of 30. So, teenagers have less impulse control. They will tend to make choices based on their impulse, and face negative consequences. This is a part of the learning process. With guidance, teens can learn to make smarter choices and grow into mature, responsible adults. Unrealistic expectations of our youth can also bring negative consequences to our society. We expect them to behave as adults, so they begin engaging in adult activities that they are not yet ready for. Parents and educators can benefit from teaching problem solving and social skills in adolescents, preparing them for young adulthood.
Finally, society at large has a powerful influence on our youth. Media and technology target young people, dictating how they should live. Inundated by advertisements on TV, radio, and magazines, teens make choices about what to wear and how to communicate. The internet is by far the most accessible source of information, allowing people of all ages to be influenced. Movies depict violence and disrespect toward women and people of color. Cell phones now have so many features, and can cost nearly $500. What is our society telling our youth? They are getting the message (by text, no doubt) that material wealth is beneficial and necessary. They are also being told that communication can be indirect and perfunctory, and perhaps should be. It is no surprise that youth in America, and now other countries like Japan and China, are considered superficial and lazy. They are constantly bombarded by cruelty in commercials and video games. Why visit someone in person when you can send them an IM? Our media centered culture perpetuates the stereotypes frequently used in describing our youth, and other targeted groups as a whole.
In conclusion, using stereotypes is hurtful and unfair to our youth, and society in general. It is important to realize the changes teens go through before reaching adulthood. It is naïve to assume that all teens are lazy, superficial, irresponsible, or cruel, with all the challenges they are facing during this time. Their transition into adulthood, the expectations made of them, and the influence of media, can make these years extremely difficult. So much learning takes place during adolescence. We need to allow them to make mistakes, offering our guidance and direction. Lessons are most valuable when people are allowed to fail as a part of the learning process. Failure is a necessary tool for growth, and inevitably leads to success, if given the chance for a do-over.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Celebrating Life
I attended a memorial today, with a long reception following, filled with family and friends. We joined together to remember my friend's father, he himself unable to remember much in the last 14 years. He was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 1994. Riki came home to care for him alongside his mother, May, spending every day with him for the last 7 years. His name was Masanori Matsumura, and everyone called him Mas.
I met Riki's dad a few times through the years, but mostly we just said hello here and there and didn't talk much. Riki and my brother John were friends all through high school, so I didn't know Riki and his family too well.
Well, the last time I saw Mas was December 21st, 2007, just after Riki and I went to lunch. Mas was bundled up in blankets, eyes closed and watery. He had hiccups, which seemed to bother him. Riki and May played word games, rhyming with him to prompt words to come forth. Well, he said my name, in response to Riki singing "Michelle, my belle!" I was touched by this moment, witnessing an every day miracle. It was so powerful to watch this beautiful family staying connected. My visit was indescribably wonderful. I held hands with Mas, kissing him on the cheek as I said Goodbye. 3 weeks later, he let go. Now he is at peace.
As I watched the video that Riki produced, replete with childhood pictures, music, and tender words of love spoken to his "darling May", tears rolled down my face, as was the case with most of us. Laughter escaped our trembling lips, as Riki slipped in some very well placed humor for our hearts to smile. I saw pictures of Mas with his brother and sister, and then watched as Riki and his sisters appeared, closer than ever. Later, at the house, I was privileged to meet the entire Matsumura family present. Everyone was completely real, with smiles and tears abound. We had plenty of food and conversation, talking for hours. I watched Riki play with Lucy, friend Mary's 3 year old daughter. She proclaimed he'd play the daddy and she'd be the baby, and then they would switch. They adore each other, and I noticed how good he connects with kids.
I didn't want to leave early as I previously predicted. I skipped my class, and stayed until 8pm. When I did go, the remaining family members walked me to my car at the church around the corner. At one point, May and I walked arm and arm alone in the dark, and Riki joined us to ensure our safety. He reminded me of the flowers I had forgotten, having brought them to me. We all said our goodbyes, and I went home feeling warm and tired in the cold, winter night. Away from city lights, the stars shone brightly, sending us well wishes as changes come.
I have some personal changes happening lately, but I cannot imagine what it must feel like to suddenly have all this freedom to choose what to do for the day, when just weeks ago, Mas needed constant care. What does this mean for Riki, who put his adult life on hold for the past 7 years? Where will life lead him now?
I have fallen in love. I adore Riki and his entire family. This is one of those moments when I have to wonder...Why haven't I noticed this incredibly amazing person before? Such humility is often overlooked. He quietly and graciously put aside all that matters to him in his personal life to be with his father. He pursued his interests in film, yet within a limited capacity. Now he can plunge into the deep pool of life again. I hope I will be there when he does.
This I know for certain: I am grateful for being fully present today, able to be there for Riki, May, and the rest of the family. What an experience.
Peace and love to all of you!
~~Masanori "Mas" Matsumura~~
~August 16th, 1937-January 12th, 2008~
I met Riki's dad a few times through the years, but mostly we just said hello here and there and didn't talk much. Riki and my brother John were friends all through high school, so I didn't know Riki and his family too well.
Well, the last time I saw Mas was December 21st, 2007, just after Riki and I went to lunch. Mas was bundled up in blankets, eyes closed and watery. He had hiccups, which seemed to bother him. Riki and May played word games, rhyming with him to prompt words to come forth. Well, he said my name, in response to Riki singing "Michelle, my belle!" I was touched by this moment, witnessing an every day miracle. It was so powerful to watch this beautiful family staying connected. My visit was indescribably wonderful. I held hands with Mas, kissing him on the cheek as I said Goodbye. 3 weeks later, he let go. Now he is at peace.
As I watched the video that Riki produced, replete with childhood pictures, music, and tender words of love spoken to his "darling May", tears rolled down my face, as was the case with most of us. Laughter escaped our trembling lips, as Riki slipped in some very well placed humor for our hearts to smile. I saw pictures of Mas with his brother and sister, and then watched as Riki and his sisters appeared, closer than ever. Later, at the house, I was privileged to meet the entire Matsumura family present. Everyone was completely real, with smiles and tears abound. We had plenty of food and conversation, talking for hours. I watched Riki play with Lucy, friend Mary's 3 year old daughter. She proclaimed he'd play the daddy and she'd be the baby, and then they would switch. They adore each other, and I noticed how good he connects with kids.
I didn't want to leave early as I previously predicted. I skipped my class, and stayed until 8pm. When I did go, the remaining family members walked me to my car at the church around the corner. At one point, May and I walked arm and arm alone in the dark, and Riki joined us to ensure our safety. He reminded me of the flowers I had forgotten, having brought them to me. We all said our goodbyes, and I went home feeling warm and tired in the cold, winter night. Away from city lights, the stars shone brightly, sending us well wishes as changes come.
I have some personal changes happening lately, but I cannot imagine what it must feel like to suddenly have all this freedom to choose what to do for the day, when just weeks ago, Mas needed constant care. What does this mean for Riki, who put his adult life on hold for the past 7 years? Where will life lead him now?
I have fallen in love. I adore Riki and his entire family. This is one of those moments when I have to wonder...Why haven't I noticed this incredibly amazing person before? Such humility is often overlooked. He quietly and graciously put aside all that matters to him in his personal life to be with his father. He pursued his interests in film, yet within a limited capacity. Now he can plunge into the deep pool of life again. I hope I will be there when he does.
This I know for certain: I am grateful for being fully present today, able to be there for Riki, May, and the rest of the family. What an experience.
Peace and love to all of you!
~~Masanori "Mas" Matsumura~~
~August 16th, 1937-January 12th, 2008~
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Tea Stories
REMEMBER: IT'S NEVER JUST A CUP OF TEA!
I used to see this guy I'll call William (alias). He and I would meet for tea, and inevitably other activities would ensue. We spent time away after dating briefly. A relationship just wasn't working out, but we couldn't stay away from each other's bedrooms. Well, every time we would reconnect, he would initiate by asking me to tea. After a while, we'd laugh, knowing that this was essentially a euphemism for something other than just a cup of tea. One time, he even clarified that he was asking me to go have an actual beverage.
Anyway, I don't see William much anymore, which is working out alright so far. I drink tea alone or with friends, occasionally having a private giggle at the story behind this enticingly hot beverage.
I used to see this guy I'll call William (alias). He and I would meet for tea, and inevitably other activities would ensue. We spent time away after dating briefly. A relationship just wasn't working out, but we couldn't stay away from each other's bedrooms. Well, every time we would reconnect, he would initiate by asking me to tea. After a while, we'd laugh, knowing that this was essentially a euphemism for something other than just a cup of tea. One time, he even clarified that he was asking me to go have an actual beverage.
Anyway, I don't see William much anymore, which is working out alright so far. I drink tea alone or with friends, occasionally having a private giggle at the story behind this enticingly hot beverage.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Discovering Me
I can be a barefoot walk on the beach, on a warm summer evening at sunset. I could be your hero, but I am not. You are your hero...find it within. I find humor in the habits of strangers, or friends I have yet to meet. I can be found in nature, a breath of life on every corner, smiling at the birds and freshness of flowers. I love the sound of my own voice, yet lately others sound amazing. Listening is becoming a spiritual experience.
I am human...hear me whisper, shout, giggle, and cry. Hear my words, they are simpler than before. Why say more?
I am human...hear me whisper, shout, giggle, and cry. Hear my words, they are simpler than before. Why say more?
Thursday, December 27, 2007
There's a Paradox in every paradigm
THE PARADOX OF OUR AGE
We have bigger house but smaller families;
more conveniences, but less time;
We have more degrees, but less sense;
more knowledge, but less judgement;
more experts, but more problems;
more medicines, but less healthiness;
We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor.
We built more computers to hold more information to produce more copies than ever, but have less communication;
We have become long on quantity, but short on quality.
These are times of fast foods but slow digestion;
tall man but short character;
steep profits but shallow relationships.
It's a time when there is much in the window, but little in the room.
~His Holiness, the Dalai Lama
We have bigger house but smaller families;
more conveniences, but less time;
We have more degrees, but less sense;
more knowledge, but less judgement;
more experts, but more problems;
more medicines, but less healthiness;
We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor.
We built more computers to hold more information to produce more copies than ever, but have less communication;
We have become long on quantity, but short on quality.
These are times of fast foods but slow digestion;
tall man but short character;
steep profits but shallow relationships.
It's a time when there is much in the window, but little in the room.
~His Holiness, the Dalai Lama
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Walking brings me joy
I noticed that woodpeckers live in our power poles, right near the prayer of St. Francis. I walk up and read this prayer for peace every day, now that I have discovered it has been placed in a wall near the monastery of poor clares near the Mission. I looked up to find a baby woodpecker poking its head out, while the older ones flew out. Woodpeckers are beautiful.
Today, I saw a different kind of bird pecking at its reflection in a car mirror. I think this bird believed there was another bird staring back at him, and he kept fighting it, then he'd fly away. I hope he figured out the bird who was staring at was him.
I just discovered a sticker on a pole near the Mission, at the bike lane. Here's what it says:
"You must empty a box before you fill it again."
Well said.
Today, I saw a different kind of bird pecking at its reflection in a car mirror. I think this bird believed there was another bird staring back at him, and he kept fighting it, then he'd fly away. I hope he figured out the bird who was staring at was him.
I just discovered a sticker on a pole near the Mission, at the bike lane. Here's what it says:
"You must empty a box before you fill it again."
Well said.
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