I just heard about this cyberworld called Second Life in my Media Lit class. Our professor shared a story of a couple who met in Second Life and got married in real life. Well, one day the wife saw the husband's Avatar (which is basically a little character that you pretend is you) sitting on a couch with another female avatar in Second Life. Now she has divorced him for cheating on him.
WTF?!
I had to stifle my uproarious laughter so as to not disturb the class. I have never heard of anything so tragically ridiculous. How sad that people can actually feel as though this virtual reality is truly "real life". It's one thing if he were discovered flirting in a chat room with another woman, since that is likened to flirting in person. But these avatars are not even real. *sigh*
I have an avatar. Her name is Serendipity and she "lives" in Yoville, which is a cyberworld available on Facebook. Although I, too, participate in such an activity, my grasp of reality remains strong. I know that Serendipity is just a bunch of pixels in a graphically created program on a friggin computer. "She" goes to a "factory" and earns her "coins" to buy "furniture". This is just a cartoon character that I find mildly amusing at best. Notice I don't even refer to it as "her". She is NOT REAL.
Technology is clearly leading our society astray, when a couple meets, marries, then breaks up based on activities in cyberspace. Human beings are yearning for a true connection, and technology keeps separating us from each other.
Consider online communities like Facebook, myspace and the like. These sites are supposedly intended to bring friends together, but I gotta tell ya that I see maybe a tenth of these folks in real life situations, mostly on an infrequent basis. My myspace page has about 200 + "friends" on it, and I know that about 3 of them are real friends. In fact, out of this group of faces on a page, I speak to one of them in person regularly. Otherwise, that is exactly what they are: faces on a page.
So I guess I am not surprised that their relationship didn't last. After all, they met each others' avatars, not each other. Healthy relationships include real, live meetings to get to know one another; not what clothes their avatars are wearing, but who they truly are as people. They were doomed from the start, using alter egos in graphic form to make a good impression.
If you are someone using an avatar to pick up guys/gals, just remember that a cartoon is make believe and we humans are flesh and blood. Real people cannot hide who they are, even if they try really hard. Besides, an avatar can't give snuggles and kisses like a real man or woman can. They can't comfort you when you are down, share in your joy, or raise your kids. You might wanna try taking a risk and going out into the world to find that special someone. Reality is far more exciting and wonderful than any fantasy world.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
Use 3 Words
I write things. I manipulate words. Experts advise practice. They suggest trilogies. Threes communicate concisely. This necessitates creativity. I recommend this. Use three words. Do it correctly. Notice the challenge? Keep work fresh. Keep it simple. Shorter is better. Sometimes we elaborate. Others will pontificate. I just write. Habitually I ramble. So trilogies help. Practice improves skill. Wordplay is chill. I use slang. That is okay. Whatever works today. Now I rhyme. I have time. Can you relate?
I choose wisely. Yet words flow. I need change. Growth is evident. Pain is immenent. Relief comes next. Joy will follow. Everything is connected. Our planet spins. Our stars shine. Babies are born. People grow up. I create imagery. Progress replaces perfection. Awareness succeeds reduction. Pain precedes growth. Sometimes we cry. We all die.
Keep it real. Live life fully. Spread peace around. Share your love. Enjoy the moment. Seize the day.
I choose wisely. Yet words flow. I need change. Growth is evident. Pain is immenent. Relief comes next. Joy will follow. Everything is connected. Our planet spins. Our stars shine. Babies are born. People grow up. I create imagery. Progress replaces perfection. Awareness succeeds reduction. Pain precedes growth. Sometimes we cry. We all die.
Keep it real. Live life fully. Spread peace around. Share your love. Enjoy the moment. Seize the day.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Tra la la LAH!
“Shot through the heart, and you’re to blame. Baby, you give love…a bad name.”
My neighbor across the way has been singing again. Bon Jovi is not her usual, however. She is an opera singer.
I am privileged to listen to opera almost every night. This woman is apparently practicing for an upcoming performance. Although I do not typically welcome any loud noises while settling in and eventually drifting off to sleep, this is different. Her voice would never qualify as “noise”. She sounds so beautiful, I find myself opening my kitchen window and remaining quiet so as to get a taste of her arias. I am grateful to have my bathroom window open in her direction as well, so that she can sing me to sleep.
We have never met. I don’t even know where she lives. She has made me so relaxed, I forget that my other neighbors nearby have porch lights that could light up a football field, which might as well be shining directly into my bedroom.
She is MY opera singer. I am being serenaded by her sweet dulcet tones, and can almost feel the tension release upon hearing her first notes. I also have the tune called “Opera Singer” by Cake stuck in my head all the time now. So, when I am not home I often think of her. A part of me wishes for her to remain anonymous, so as to retain the mystery. Of course, I am also dying to put a face with the voice. For now, I will just enjoy my nightly concerto in the comfort of my adorable little home.
My neighbor across the way has been singing again. Bon Jovi is not her usual, however. She is an opera singer.
I am privileged to listen to opera almost every night. This woman is apparently practicing for an upcoming performance. Although I do not typically welcome any loud noises while settling in and eventually drifting off to sleep, this is different. Her voice would never qualify as “noise”. She sounds so beautiful, I find myself opening my kitchen window and remaining quiet so as to get a taste of her arias. I am grateful to have my bathroom window open in her direction as well, so that she can sing me to sleep.
We have never met. I don’t even know where she lives. She has made me so relaxed, I forget that my other neighbors nearby have porch lights that could light up a football field, which might as well be shining directly into my bedroom.
She is MY opera singer. I am being serenaded by her sweet dulcet tones, and can almost feel the tension release upon hearing her first notes. I also have the tune called “Opera Singer” by Cake stuck in my head all the time now. So, when I am not home I often think of her. A part of me wishes for her to remain anonymous, so as to retain the mystery. Of course, I am also dying to put a face with the voice. For now, I will just enjoy my nightly concerto in the comfort of my adorable little home.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Earwigs Love Artichokes Too
I love gardening. This season, I discovered that my artichoke plant was finally producing some beautiful thistles for my dining pleasure. I had a total of 4 awesome chokes in all. Well, I went on a road trip last week, having forgotten that I had a couple waiting for me. This was perfect timing. I had next to nothing in the fridge. I always like to have something green, and this qualify, even if they are not technically a vegetable.
Two nights ago, I steamed one, and decided to peel off the leaves beforehand. I usually just peel as I go, but I wanted to enjoy it without having to scoop out the heart. It was ready to eat. Yum. Sometimes I like to eat two at a time. This gives me more meat. I will tend to eat fast and furious, as if my life depended on it. I have been working on that. But still, I scarf my food down.
So…Even though I had pre-peeled, I hadn't noticed that some earwigs had decided to make this artichoke their home. I had boiled them along with my meal. One of the leaves I had eaten had one stuck to it. Ewww! Thankfully, it had been the leaf on the bottom of my stack, so I had not really eaten an earwig, but I was close.
Here's the deal. I am a lover of all living things. Correction: most living things. No matter how hard I try, I just cannot like the earwig. My last home was in a studio where it tended to get a little moist. I had a very large earwig infestation once that totally grossed me out. They were right outside my front door, and making their way inside. There were literally hundreds of them swarming at my doorstep. Those pincers creep me out, and the scales are reminiscent of cockroaches.
I am one of those people who carry a Daddy Long Legs out, gently laying them down on the porch. That is not the case with earwigs. I will step on them, flush them, whatever it takes to get them as far away from me as humanly possible.
Apparently, this time, I cooked them up as a delicacy.
Knowing my feelings about earwigs, I decided to try not to make too big of a deal out of this. I carefully inspected each artichoke leaf, remembering that the crunch I tasted was in fact the garlic in my butter and not a bug. This was challenging, but I got through it. The fact that the artichoke was absolutely delicious really helped.
Last night, I thoroughly rinsed my choke, peeled beforehand, AND looked at the leaves before devouring my feast. Luckily, there were no earwigs present in this one. Whew.
I survived a near earwig consumption, and did not have nightmares. There is a God.
Two nights ago, I steamed one, and decided to peel off the leaves beforehand. I usually just peel as I go, but I wanted to enjoy it without having to scoop out the heart. It was ready to eat. Yum. Sometimes I like to eat two at a time. This gives me more meat. I will tend to eat fast and furious, as if my life depended on it. I have been working on that. But still, I scarf my food down.
So…Even though I had pre-peeled, I hadn't noticed that some earwigs had decided to make this artichoke their home. I had boiled them along with my meal. One of the leaves I had eaten had one stuck to it. Ewww! Thankfully, it had been the leaf on the bottom of my stack, so I had not really eaten an earwig, but I was close.
Here's the deal. I am a lover of all living things. Correction: most living things. No matter how hard I try, I just cannot like the earwig. My last home was in a studio where it tended to get a little moist. I had a very large earwig infestation once that totally grossed me out. They were right outside my front door, and making their way inside. There were literally hundreds of them swarming at my doorstep. Those pincers creep me out, and the scales are reminiscent of cockroaches.
I am one of those people who carry a Daddy Long Legs out, gently laying them down on the porch. That is not the case with earwigs. I will step on them, flush them, whatever it takes to get them as far away from me as humanly possible.
Apparently, this time, I cooked them up as a delicacy.
Knowing my feelings about earwigs, I decided to try not to make too big of a deal out of this. I carefully inspected each artichoke leaf, remembering that the crunch I tasted was in fact the garlic in my butter and not a bug. This was challenging, but I got through it. The fact that the artichoke was absolutely delicious really helped.
Last night, I thoroughly rinsed my choke, peeled beforehand, AND looked at the leaves before devouring my feast. Luckily, there were no earwigs present in this one. Whew.
I survived a near earwig consumption, and did not have nightmares. There is a God.
Monday, May 26, 2008
Summer Break
At the beginning of each summer break, I often feel a little out of control. School is officially over, so I know I have no plans, at least for a couple of weeks. I end up ditching my routine almost entirely and tend to stay up til the wee hours, complaining later about how I feel horrible being tired. So here I am at 10:35pm, at a crossroads. I could continue on the same self destructive path, known in some circles as a state of SLOTH. Or, I could change my behavior. Hmm.
Here's the rub: I am trying to loosen up a little. I am so attached to a certain routine, particular foods, etc, that I feel like I ought to shake things up a bit. But instead, I turn to meaningless internet activities when I have free time. I isolate in my kitchen, googling things like Pastor Britt (on You Tube), who I used to know as plain ole Britt, or Burt. I went to high school with him, and the last time I saw him in person, he was walking across our stage at graduation yelling "Burt don't surf!". Now he gives sermons at Reality Church in Carpinteria that are reminiscent of Baptist fire and brimstone with some sales pitch mixed in.
Anyway...the point is that all of this free time drives me crazy. I am stuck between overplanning and becoming one of those people who play guitar hero for 5 hours straight (just making that up, as a good example of what I am doing).
My road trip is another fine example of trying to mix things up, Michelle style. I took nearly every item of clothing I own (and wore only 2-3 outfits), all my regular foods in a cooler, and my favorite utensils and dishes. I loaded my car to the brim, including a guitar I never played, and a beach chair I never sat in. I drove 7-9 hours a day (!) to the weirdest places. Some were quite breathtaking, others were downright nasty. I visited my friend Rozanna and her family. That was ok. But other than that, what was my motive for taking a trip anyway? Well, I had time to kill and money burning a hole in my checking account. Why not stay in a motel near a meth smoker who yelled at his girlfriend about peeing in the bed, among other things. BTW, I smelled meth in the bathroom after my shower, and still smelled it on my nightie the next night. I was so grossed out! Other than the obvious entertainment factor for writing an interesting book, why did I endure such ridiculousness?
Well, because I needed something to do.*sigh*
Here's my solution: I will sign up for a class of interest, like meditation, yoga, or hiking. I will plan on attending said activity once a week. I will go to more meetings, and do more writing. I also need a part time job, so that ought to keep me sorta busy. And...I could call my friends more often. Lunch dates at Daily Grind would be very pleasant. Butterfly Beach is awesome, as always. My bald friend returns from New York soon. Hmm. I should discuss the bald one in another blog. Yes, I could write about him all day long, and into the night. Ha ha.
See, I have plenty to do. Wish me luck with that. I am gonna need it.
Here's the rub: I am trying to loosen up a little. I am so attached to a certain routine, particular foods, etc, that I feel like I ought to shake things up a bit. But instead, I turn to meaningless internet activities when I have free time. I isolate in my kitchen, googling things like Pastor Britt (on You Tube), who I used to know as plain ole Britt, or Burt. I went to high school with him, and the last time I saw him in person, he was walking across our stage at graduation yelling "Burt don't surf!". Now he gives sermons at Reality Church in Carpinteria that are reminiscent of Baptist fire and brimstone with some sales pitch mixed in.
Anyway...the point is that all of this free time drives me crazy. I am stuck between overplanning and becoming one of those people who play guitar hero for 5 hours straight (just making that up, as a good example of what I am doing).
My road trip is another fine example of trying to mix things up, Michelle style. I took nearly every item of clothing I own (and wore only 2-3 outfits), all my regular foods in a cooler, and my favorite utensils and dishes. I loaded my car to the brim, including a guitar I never played, and a beach chair I never sat in. I drove 7-9 hours a day (!) to the weirdest places. Some were quite breathtaking, others were downright nasty. I visited my friend Rozanna and her family. That was ok. But other than that, what was my motive for taking a trip anyway? Well, I had time to kill and money burning a hole in my checking account. Why not stay in a motel near a meth smoker who yelled at his girlfriend about peeing in the bed, among other things. BTW, I smelled meth in the bathroom after my shower, and still smelled it on my nightie the next night. I was so grossed out! Other than the obvious entertainment factor for writing an interesting book, why did I endure such ridiculousness?
Well, because I needed something to do.*sigh*
Here's my solution: I will sign up for a class of interest, like meditation, yoga, or hiking. I will plan on attending said activity once a week. I will go to more meetings, and do more writing. I also need a part time job, so that ought to keep me sorta busy. And...I could call my friends more often. Lunch dates at Daily Grind would be very pleasant. Butterfly Beach is awesome, as always. My bald friend returns from New York soon. Hmm. I should discuss the bald one in another blog. Yes, I could write about him all day long, and into the night. Ha ha.
See, I have plenty to do. Wish me luck with that. I am gonna need it.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Going to Any Lengths With Macrame and christianity with a little c
Sunday, May 11, 2008
I had a lovely Mother's Day dinner at the folks' house tonight. We talked for an hour or so about various topics, beginning with my sneaking out as a teen and ending with christian with a little "c".
So here's the story. I only snuck out of my bedroom window once. After that, my dad simply screwed it in place so I could not even open the window. I was probably around 15 years old at the time, just starting to get a little crazy, but not so bad that I got arrested or injured...yet. That was not until I became a legal adult. Anyway, it astounds me that I didn't just take out the screw. Maybe I was scared of getting busted for taking it out, or worried I wouldn't be able to replace it? It also surprises me that I didn't use the front door. That is all I remember doing, although the memory of the window came back upon reflection.
My mom asked me tonight if I remembered the bells on the front door. I was drawing a total blank. She told me that they nailed an old macrame wall hanging above the door (I remember it as a plant holder actually) so the bells attached to it would sound if I snuck out. I think this is hilarious, imagining some ugly macrame whatever thing over the door to deter their wayward teen from sneaking out. Instead of confrontation, they used tactics that would (conceivably) prevent me from leaving. Tonight, I referred to this as "natural consequences". They usually had no problem with confronting me about this kind of stuff, as I recall. But perhaps what I remember is young adulthood, when I bounced in and out of living there and just came and went through the front door. The bells were gone by then for sure.
The other challenge I had was when my mom would be awake, watching TV, after getting a call from a patient. She often would have trouble getting back to sleep, and was up at all hours at times, in the living room near the front door. In my 20s, I would do the walk of shame, reeking of booze at 3-4am, disappointed that I couldn't make food. When I could make something to nibble on, it was a full course meal of cheap elbow macaroni and tomato paste, seasoned with lots of spices.
My mom asked me where I went when I snuck out. As an adult, I told her a few likely places without hesitation. We usually went down to a place in Carpinteria (CA) called the Square, above the beach. Sometimes we went to State Park, and other times down to Shit Creek, as we so lovingly called the creek near our shores. Carpas, or Carp (Carpinteria for short) is a small town, so everyone knows everyone and everything you're doing. My parents didn't know the details, but I am sure they could have guessed that there was drinking involved. I am not sure if the vomiting and confusion set in until age 17, but there was definitely beer and boys. Actually, I was hanging with men in their late 20s, early 30s. Not such a good scene, in fact.
As I ought to get into my cozy bed soon, I will tell you about the christian with a little "c" part of this story. My mom was brought up Jewish, and does not practice any formal religion. Although we celebrate Passover and Hannukah, we are not orthodox and have never been to temple. My dad has a Christian upbringing, his parents following the King James Version of the Bible. I went to Protestant church as a wee child, but do not currently attend any congregation. My mom has claimed over the years to be an atheist. One time she did qualify as spiritual, however. I totally understand this. Anyway, we were discussing religion and all its aspects, all the way from Religious Serpent Handling in the Pentacostal churches of West Virginia, to ancient history, to Catholicism vs. all other Christian sects. Specifically, my mom was referring to those in the Catholic Church suffering through this life, with the belief that the after life will be better, and the others' belief in being good in this life.
I believe in the power of being completely in the present moment. The Universe, power greater than ourselves, or what some call God, takes care of the rest. I believe in consequences for our behavior, that either will serve us or will not. I want to remember daily that all beings want to be free from suffering and want happiness, that compassion for others is paramount.
That being said, my mom's closing thoughts on the subject were, "I believe in being christian with a little c. You know, living by the Ten Commandments." She was saying that a good life did involve some rules, but that all we need to worry about is being kind to one another. Nice. I like that kind of simplicity.
I had a lovely Mother's Day dinner at the folks' house tonight. We talked for an hour or so about various topics, beginning with my sneaking out as a teen and ending with christian with a little "c".
So here's the story. I only snuck out of my bedroom window once. After that, my dad simply screwed it in place so I could not even open the window. I was probably around 15 years old at the time, just starting to get a little crazy, but not so bad that I got arrested or injured...yet. That was not until I became a legal adult. Anyway, it astounds me that I didn't just take out the screw. Maybe I was scared of getting busted for taking it out, or worried I wouldn't be able to replace it? It also surprises me that I didn't use the front door. That is all I remember doing, although the memory of the window came back upon reflection.
My mom asked me tonight if I remembered the bells on the front door. I was drawing a total blank. She told me that they nailed an old macrame wall hanging above the door (I remember it as a plant holder actually) so the bells attached to it would sound if I snuck out. I think this is hilarious, imagining some ugly macrame whatever thing over the door to deter their wayward teen from sneaking out. Instead of confrontation, they used tactics that would (conceivably) prevent me from leaving. Tonight, I referred to this as "natural consequences". They usually had no problem with confronting me about this kind of stuff, as I recall. But perhaps what I remember is young adulthood, when I bounced in and out of living there and just came and went through the front door. The bells were gone by then for sure.
The other challenge I had was when my mom would be awake, watching TV, after getting a call from a patient. She often would have trouble getting back to sleep, and was up at all hours at times, in the living room near the front door. In my 20s, I would do the walk of shame, reeking of booze at 3-4am, disappointed that I couldn't make food. When I could make something to nibble on, it was a full course meal of cheap elbow macaroni and tomato paste, seasoned with lots of spices.
My mom asked me where I went when I snuck out. As an adult, I told her a few likely places without hesitation. We usually went down to a place in Carpinteria (CA) called the Square, above the beach. Sometimes we went to State Park, and other times down to Shit Creek, as we so lovingly called the creek near our shores. Carpas, or Carp (Carpinteria for short) is a small town, so everyone knows everyone and everything you're doing. My parents didn't know the details, but I am sure they could have guessed that there was drinking involved. I am not sure if the vomiting and confusion set in until age 17, but there was definitely beer and boys. Actually, I was hanging with men in their late 20s, early 30s. Not such a good scene, in fact.
As I ought to get into my cozy bed soon, I will tell you about the christian with a little "c" part of this story. My mom was brought up Jewish, and does not practice any formal religion. Although we celebrate Passover and Hannukah, we are not orthodox and have never been to temple. My dad has a Christian upbringing, his parents following the King James Version of the Bible. I went to Protestant church as a wee child, but do not currently attend any congregation. My mom has claimed over the years to be an atheist. One time she did qualify as spiritual, however. I totally understand this. Anyway, we were discussing religion and all its aspects, all the way from Religious Serpent Handling in the Pentacostal churches of West Virginia, to ancient history, to Catholicism vs. all other Christian sects. Specifically, my mom was referring to those in the Catholic Church suffering through this life, with the belief that the after life will be better, and the others' belief in being good in this life.
I believe in the power of being completely in the present moment. The Universe, power greater than ourselves, or what some call God, takes care of the rest. I believe in consequences for our behavior, that either will serve us or will not. I want to remember daily that all beings want to be free from suffering and want happiness, that compassion for others is paramount.
That being said, my mom's closing thoughts on the subject were, "I believe in being christian with a little c. You know, living by the Ten Commandments." She was saying that a good life did involve some rules, but that all we need to worry about is being kind to one another. Nice. I like that kind of simplicity.
Flying Squirrels Are Legal in Texas
Saturday, May 10, 2008
When asked if he has any pets, my checker Ron at Trader Joe's told me he has 2 flying squirrels. They are sisters. He said that they are illegal here (I will not reveal too many personal details about you, Ron), but are of course legal in Texas.
I wonder what qualifies them to be ok there and not here. Do they have more room to fly in Texas? Actually, they don't really fly. They just jump really far. He told me of someone who trained their flying squirrels to fly up and down stairs.
Ferrets are illegal here, too, but I know so many people who have them as pets. They are so cute! I heard that we are allowed to breed them here in California, but not have them. So, as long as we make money off of them, they are ok, huh? That sucks.
My kitty cats would have a field day with these little gals.
Flying squirrels. The ultimate cat toy.
I've gotta go to bed. I probably had you at pet flying squirrels.
When asked if he has any pets, my checker Ron at Trader Joe's told me he has 2 flying squirrels. They are sisters. He said that they are illegal here (I will not reveal too many personal details about you, Ron), but are of course legal in Texas.
I wonder what qualifies them to be ok there and not here. Do they have more room to fly in Texas? Actually, they don't really fly. They just jump really far. He told me of someone who trained their flying squirrels to fly up and down stairs.
Ferrets are illegal here, too, but I know so many people who have them as pets. They are so cute! I heard that we are allowed to breed them here in California, but not have them. So, as long as we make money off of them, they are ok, huh? That sucks.
My kitty cats would have a field day with these little gals.
Flying squirrels. The ultimate cat toy.
I've gotta go to bed. I probably had you at pet flying squirrels.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Flirt While U Shop
Spring has sprung people! I am feeling warm all over, and I am ready to do something about it. Hee hee. Forgive me, I don't hold back much.
Seriously, I feel as though my vibe is stronger than ever. I am a magnet. The only thing missing is some follow through. Such is the story of my dating history. That is about to change. I'll make sure of it.
Do you ever notice how the warm weather can make people act kinda funny? Take today, for instance. I was driving home from my regular meeting and hit a stop light. A fire truck had just been there to check on someone, and they were driving in front of me. They were gorgeous, as is the requirement for being a firefighter, I guess. At least from my subjective opinion, they are all attractive in some way. Anyway, I waved to them as they turned right. For some strange reason, I thought I saw a green light. I drove through the intersection, noticing all the cross traffic coming toward me. I honked, and so did they. It took me a second to realize I was running a red light. Whoa.
Later, at Butterfly Beach, I was driving toward a good parking spot. It was late in the day, around 4:30. I did this on purpose so as to avoid heavy traffic everywhere. I saw someone packing up to leave on the other side. I made a U-turn near the end of the drive, but not quite. Suddenly, I saw a cop car facing me, stopped. I rolled down my window. I realized I had just driven across a double yellow line.
I apologized profusely, telling him I completely forgot. I was totally being honest. I do it frequently without thinking about it. I was driving about 2 miles an hour, so I did not expect to get the reaction he shot out at me. This cop was really pissed off. He barked at me, "It's not a question of forgetting. Do you realize if I gave you a citation right now, it would be over $300? And for what?" He even hurumphed. I said I was really sorry again, about to tell him I would never do it again. He let me go. I have never experienced such an aggressive response to such a minor infraction. I was not in a hurry, and would have gone all the way around, had I remembered what the hell I was doing. But it was like 95 degrees and humid. He was obviously not thrilled with his patrol route either.
I swear the heat definitely went to my head today. I have been really inattentive in the worst way. This whole weekend has been kinda nutty anyway. Lust is in the air, and I am not alone in feeling it. I find it especially interesting to go grocery shopping lately. What fun. Odds are definitely in my favor, as far as getting a date anytime in this century. In fact, I might even be busy as soon as the next few weeks. Who knows? It's been awhile, so I am unaccustomed to being treated to a meal, walk down State Street, a hike, or maybe even a sunset beach stroll. There are some ideas for any of you who would like to take me out. I told you, I am ready.
Seriously, I feel as though my vibe is stronger than ever. I am a magnet. The only thing missing is some follow through. Such is the story of my dating history. That is about to change. I'll make sure of it.
Do you ever notice how the warm weather can make people act kinda funny? Take today, for instance. I was driving home from my regular meeting and hit a stop light. A fire truck had just been there to check on someone, and they were driving in front of me. They were gorgeous, as is the requirement for being a firefighter, I guess. At least from my subjective opinion, they are all attractive in some way. Anyway, I waved to them as they turned right. For some strange reason, I thought I saw a green light. I drove through the intersection, noticing all the cross traffic coming toward me. I honked, and so did they. It took me a second to realize I was running a red light. Whoa.
Later, at Butterfly Beach, I was driving toward a good parking spot. It was late in the day, around 4:30. I did this on purpose so as to avoid heavy traffic everywhere. I saw someone packing up to leave on the other side. I made a U-turn near the end of the drive, but not quite. Suddenly, I saw a cop car facing me, stopped. I rolled down my window. I realized I had just driven across a double yellow line.
I apologized profusely, telling him I completely forgot. I was totally being honest. I do it frequently without thinking about it. I was driving about 2 miles an hour, so I did not expect to get the reaction he shot out at me. This cop was really pissed off. He barked at me, "It's not a question of forgetting. Do you realize if I gave you a citation right now, it would be over $300? And for what?" He even hurumphed. I said I was really sorry again, about to tell him I would never do it again. He let me go. I have never experienced such an aggressive response to such a minor infraction. I was not in a hurry, and would have gone all the way around, had I remembered what the hell I was doing. But it was like 95 degrees and humid. He was obviously not thrilled with his patrol route either.
I swear the heat definitely went to my head today. I have been really inattentive in the worst way. This whole weekend has been kinda nutty anyway. Lust is in the air, and I am not alone in feeling it. I find it especially interesting to go grocery shopping lately. What fun. Odds are definitely in my favor, as far as getting a date anytime in this century. In fact, I might even be busy as soon as the next few weeks. Who knows? It's been awhile, so I am unaccustomed to being treated to a meal, walk down State Street, a hike, or maybe even a sunset beach stroll. There are some ideas for any of you who would like to take me out. I told you, I am ready.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
The Sound of Silence
Last Wednesday, I participated in the Day Of Silence, which honors those being silenced by harrassment and violence every day in the GLBT community. Lawrence King, a 15 year old Oxnard boy, was one of these people. He was shot by a classmate for being homosexual and gender expression. If you would like to know more about this, please visit this website: http://dayofsilence.org/
I am rarely silent. I have plenty to share, and talk all the time. I always have something to say. Being completely silent (save a few accidental peeps) for about 5 hours was a spiritual experience for me. I plan on being silent once a week now, for a full day or at least a partial day. I found myself able to pick up on the chatter in the classroom, as well as the lectures. I was really listening. Often, when we have a burning desire to share something, our ears turn off. I found relief in not responding. There were times I would write in a notebook, out of necessity (group work) or to clear confusion about what I was communicating. Other times, I just wrote because I felt like talking. I feel like that was the most difficult part of the experience, because I had to make such an effort.
There are times when saying nothing is better than any words spoken aloud or even written down. I did notice that when I wrote an in class essay on "Love", I could express myself well, as though my thoughts were clearer when freed from the clutter of words spoken.
As I left campus for the day, I entered the freeway to begin my commute back home to Santa Barbara. I attempted to merge, as I noticed a woman driving too fast to let me in swiftly approaching. I had to veer to the right, almost off the road, to avoid her crashing into me. So, the first words out of my mouth were, "Oh my God, what the f*ck are you doing?!"
Once I recovered from the panicky feeling of the potential disaster, I had to laugh. However, I was disappointed that negativity poured out of my voice, after 5 hours of peaceful nonresistant silent time, so I remained silent for another 30 minutes of the drive. This included being mute to Jack Johnson and Ben Harper singing "With My Own Two Hands", but could not hold out for the entire song. It is just too beautiful not to sing along to.
What I thought would have been a challenge became a wonderful learning experience and quite calming. Who would have thought this chatterbox would actually welcome keeping quiet. But I did, and I will again. You may see more blogs from me on those days. I still have lots to share.
*Weekly Challenge*
I encourage any of you to be silent for at least one hour. Find a time when you know you will be uninterupted, and have no prior commitments involving kids or work, etc. Be around people talking. Share how it feels. If you have had a silent retreat before, please share your experiences. Thanks!
Enjoy the weekend all.
I am rarely silent. I have plenty to share, and talk all the time. I always have something to say. Being completely silent (save a few accidental peeps) for about 5 hours was a spiritual experience for me. I plan on being silent once a week now, for a full day or at least a partial day. I found myself able to pick up on the chatter in the classroom, as well as the lectures. I was really listening. Often, when we have a burning desire to share something, our ears turn off. I found relief in not responding. There were times I would write in a notebook, out of necessity (group work) or to clear confusion about what I was communicating. Other times, I just wrote because I felt like talking. I feel like that was the most difficult part of the experience, because I had to make such an effort.
There are times when saying nothing is better than any words spoken aloud or even written down. I did notice that when I wrote an in class essay on "Love", I could express myself well, as though my thoughts were clearer when freed from the clutter of words spoken.
As I left campus for the day, I entered the freeway to begin my commute back home to Santa Barbara. I attempted to merge, as I noticed a woman driving too fast to let me in swiftly approaching. I had to veer to the right, almost off the road, to avoid her crashing into me. So, the first words out of my mouth were, "Oh my God, what the f*ck are you doing?!"
Once I recovered from the panicky feeling of the potential disaster, I had to laugh. However, I was disappointed that negativity poured out of my voice, after 5 hours of peaceful nonresistant silent time, so I remained silent for another 30 minutes of the drive. This included being mute to Jack Johnson and Ben Harper singing "With My Own Two Hands", but could not hold out for the entire song. It is just too beautiful not to sing along to.
What I thought would have been a challenge became a wonderful learning experience and quite calming. Who would have thought this chatterbox would actually welcome keeping quiet. But I did, and I will again. You may see more blogs from me on those days. I still have lots to share.
*Weekly Challenge*
I encourage any of you to be silent for at least one hour. Find a time when you know you will be uninterupted, and have no prior commitments involving kids or work, etc. Be around people talking. Share how it feels. If you have had a silent retreat before, please share your experiences. Thanks!
Enjoy the weekend all.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Reality Bites...Or Does It Simply Blow Kisses?
First things first. I am feeling so in the moment, completely present right now. Such was the case earlier at Trader Joe's. This very angry man I've seen yelling around my neighborhood walked across the driveway, as I was chatting with Mark the petition guy. As a driver waited to leave the lot, the man exclaimed, "Get your f*ckin car off the sidewalk, you bitch!" and he kicked the bumper. He felt offended by this person being in his way.
I really feel for this man. He is completely miserable. He carries multiple bags and appears homeless. His energy is as heavy as the duffle bag he carries. His anger can literally be heard all throughout the town. This is probably not the first time he has caused a scene.
I am a very friendly person. I tend to say hello to everyone I see. Seriously, I leave no one out. I also am aware that people who behave as this man does usually do not get friendly greetings. I held back today, just turning to send him some positive energy. I felt such discomfort left in his wake, and realized that saying "Hi" would not help. Brian, my favorite cashier (BTW he is such a cutie), came out to witness the event. He is from Iowa. I wonder if this is foreign to him, seeing such an upheaval. Anyway, the man is very upset because he is unable to live in the present moment. What he is experiencing is an inability to accept life as it is. This is probably one of the more extreme instances I've witnessed. I believe it is a moment I needed to pay attention to.
This man is not alone. There are so many people on our planet expressing their pain this way. They could all use some good energy. Imagine a world where we all cared for one another, regardless of circumstance. Imagine letting go of all of that anger. Wow. What a relief.
This man illustrated for me what it is like when I am in a state of nonacceptance, wanting to control the uncontrollable. Another issue is one of action. In his case, his choices included waiting, moving around, or walking slowly until s/he drove away. When I accept what IS, all of this is really simple. I don't even have to make an effort to take action or surrender.
Now, if I apply this to a relationship with someone I have had conflict with, it feels more complicated somehow. But is it? Notice I said that I have had conflict with him. I am not currently experiencing any conflict with this person. He is not even in my present space. Oh how I want to make the past and future into the present! I totally relate to the angry man on the street today.
I have been thinking way too hard about past behavior of a particular someone. I judge our current situation with our past. To put this in more understandable language to those of you who have no idea what I am getting at...I was seeing this guy for a couple of years, after 3 months of dating and a break up. Every time we saw each other, we would get intimate. He does not want to date me. I don't want to just sleep with him. We stood at a crossroads. We always do this. We are repeat offenders, continuing the same insanity until we learn something.
Let me say right now that I have flip flopped this around in my head for a few years. I used to engage in behavior with him that did not serve either of us. I no longer do this. I will put space between us. I get angry at him, in his absence (part of the process). He appears in my space, either by supposedly "random" chance (there are no accidents), or on purpose by calling. I get more angry at him for being in my space. Eventually, I come to my own crossroads. I could go yell at him to stop bothering me, tell him he hurt me, blah blah blah. Or...I could forgive him. Whenever I've forgiven before, I get the urge to call him. Inevitably, I feel like kissing him (old behavior). All of this scares me. Fortunately, it's all in my head.
Well, today I realized that I can forgive him and still have boundaries. Every time I let go of expectation of any kind, he and I get along and there is no pain. I am not blind nor stupid. Neither is he. We both know that the way we have been approaching this has not worked. We have both pushed against that, and tried anyway, to no avail. It's time to stop screwing around and show some true love to one another. I have no control over what he does, but I am sick and tired of being angry. I am grateful for a lesson learned. What a blessing. I am ready to love him for who he is, as is. Without fear of attachment issues, without obsession. Just pure love. Unconditionally, just like I love my cats. :)
All we need is love y'all. That is all.
I really feel for this man. He is completely miserable. He carries multiple bags and appears homeless. His energy is as heavy as the duffle bag he carries. His anger can literally be heard all throughout the town. This is probably not the first time he has caused a scene.
I am a very friendly person. I tend to say hello to everyone I see. Seriously, I leave no one out. I also am aware that people who behave as this man does usually do not get friendly greetings. I held back today, just turning to send him some positive energy. I felt such discomfort left in his wake, and realized that saying "Hi" would not help. Brian, my favorite cashier (BTW he is such a cutie), came out to witness the event. He is from Iowa. I wonder if this is foreign to him, seeing such an upheaval. Anyway, the man is very upset because he is unable to live in the present moment. What he is experiencing is an inability to accept life as it is. This is probably one of the more extreme instances I've witnessed. I believe it is a moment I needed to pay attention to.
This man is not alone. There are so many people on our planet expressing their pain this way. They could all use some good energy. Imagine a world where we all cared for one another, regardless of circumstance. Imagine letting go of all of that anger. Wow. What a relief.
This man illustrated for me what it is like when I am in a state of nonacceptance, wanting to control the uncontrollable. Another issue is one of action. In his case, his choices included waiting, moving around, or walking slowly until s/he drove away. When I accept what IS, all of this is really simple. I don't even have to make an effort to take action or surrender.
Now, if I apply this to a relationship with someone I have had conflict with, it feels more complicated somehow. But is it? Notice I said that I have had conflict with him. I am not currently experiencing any conflict with this person. He is not even in my present space. Oh how I want to make the past and future into the present! I totally relate to the angry man on the street today.
I have been thinking way too hard about past behavior of a particular someone. I judge our current situation with our past. To put this in more understandable language to those of you who have no idea what I am getting at...I was seeing this guy for a couple of years, after 3 months of dating and a break up. Every time we saw each other, we would get intimate. He does not want to date me. I don't want to just sleep with him. We stood at a crossroads. We always do this. We are repeat offenders, continuing the same insanity until we learn something.
Let me say right now that I have flip flopped this around in my head for a few years. I used to engage in behavior with him that did not serve either of us. I no longer do this. I will put space between us. I get angry at him, in his absence (part of the process). He appears in my space, either by supposedly "random" chance (there are no accidents), or on purpose by calling. I get more angry at him for being in my space. Eventually, I come to my own crossroads. I could go yell at him to stop bothering me, tell him he hurt me, blah blah blah. Or...I could forgive him. Whenever I've forgiven before, I get the urge to call him. Inevitably, I feel like kissing him (old behavior). All of this scares me. Fortunately, it's all in my head.
Well, today I realized that I can forgive him and still have boundaries. Every time I let go of expectation of any kind, he and I get along and there is no pain. I am not blind nor stupid. Neither is he. We both know that the way we have been approaching this has not worked. We have both pushed against that, and tried anyway, to no avail. It's time to stop screwing around and show some true love to one another. I have no control over what he does, but I am sick and tired of being angry. I am grateful for a lesson learned. What a blessing. I am ready to love him for who he is, as is. Without fear of attachment issues, without obsession. Just pure love. Unconditionally, just like I love my cats. :)
All we need is love y'all. That is all.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Stream of Consciousness...
Don't know what to write about yet, so I am pulling the free association out of my head and will see what comes out. I have had a few zillion thoughts today, so I am sure it won't be difficult to find something interesting to say.
I just watched Juno last night. It is going to be or already is a cult "classic". I guess it is not classic yet, but it has some lines in it like Napoleon Dynamite that will linger and be repeated profusely, esp in the teen world. They say things like "wizard" (def: cool) and "I need to procure a hasty abortion". Juno is so freakin lovable, I want to adopt her myself. For those of you who haven't seen copious ads for this film, it's about a pregnant teen with precocious and brilliant, quirky and cute all over her face. Jason Reitman produced it, I believe? Can't remember the guy's name, but he rocks. Juno is one of the better movies I've watched in some time. A must see for people of all ages.
Today before I went to my work study at Body Therapy Institute, I took some time to relax in my lawn and write a gratitude list. I observed a standoff amongst the DLV Kitty Posse (that's De La Vina, what I have named our hood, since we live on that street) and a cat who lives behind us named Sadie. I may have mentioned before that we have a total of 9 cats in our little community. My neighbor Starr and I each have cats who are related to one another. They pretty much get along well, and claim the area as their own.
Anyway, Sadie comes to visit, as do some other neighboring cats. Sadie likes to hang out, whether our local crew likes it or not. She just settled down behind my worn out window screen in the dirt, with a definite plan to stay a while. Well, first I heard Delilah begin to grumble. Then her brother Moses came over. I noticed Lucho creeping over from the other side. Suddenly, Sophie showed up too. They were surrounding Sadie, but she did not budge. Lucho's sister Layla made an appearance a few minutes later. I swear I need a soundtrack for this. Finally, they all sort of closed in on her and she yowled and moved about half a foot. She eventually left for the day without any of them having to scuffle with her. Brave little bobtail, I'll tell ya, what with the 5:1 ratio. She was seriously outnumbered.
My littlest kittens are Moses and Delilah, at 11 months old. They keep catching mosquito hawks. Delilah will bring them in to show off her prize. She has orange stripes with a white face, and has black lips. It's too cute to see her head buried in this helpless insect, then slowly peek up to seek acknowledgment from me.
Moses has some strange habits. He enjoys any paper product, especially tissue and toilet paper. He has an inclination to unravel the TP roll every so often. I have had to take it off the handle when he gets out of hand with it. I also hide my tissue boxes. There have been times when I left it out, like when I've watched a movie that makes me cry. I'll get up in the morning to discover tissues all over the living room. He would be adorable if he wasn't destroying stuff. He massacres any paper. He could be my shredder. Ha ha. His other habit is totally gross. He tips over the trash can in my bathroom once a month, in search of personal hygiene products. I don't even want to share any further info on that one. Ew. Of course, he makes up for his destructive tendencies by purring really loud and long. He comes over for what I call a purr session several times a day. He sounds like he has some respiratory condition, but it's just him purring his heart out. So sweet, my motor mouth.
I just watched Juno last night. It is going to be or already is a cult "classic". I guess it is not classic yet, but it has some lines in it like Napoleon Dynamite that will linger and be repeated profusely, esp in the teen world. They say things like "wizard" (def: cool) and "I need to procure a hasty abortion". Juno is so freakin lovable, I want to adopt her myself. For those of you who haven't seen copious ads for this film, it's about a pregnant teen with precocious and brilliant, quirky and cute all over her face. Jason Reitman produced it, I believe? Can't remember the guy's name, but he rocks. Juno is one of the better movies I've watched in some time. A must see for people of all ages.
Today before I went to my work study at Body Therapy Institute, I took some time to relax in my lawn and write a gratitude list. I observed a standoff amongst the DLV Kitty Posse (that's De La Vina, what I have named our hood, since we live on that street) and a cat who lives behind us named Sadie. I may have mentioned before that we have a total of 9 cats in our little community. My neighbor Starr and I each have cats who are related to one another. They pretty much get along well, and claim the area as their own.
Anyway, Sadie comes to visit, as do some other neighboring cats. Sadie likes to hang out, whether our local crew likes it or not. She just settled down behind my worn out window screen in the dirt, with a definite plan to stay a while. Well, first I heard Delilah begin to grumble. Then her brother Moses came over. I noticed Lucho creeping over from the other side. Suddenly, Sophie showed up too. They were surrounding Sadie, but she did not budge. Lucho's sister Layla made an appearance a few minutes later. I swear I need a soundtrack for this. Finally, they all sort of closed in on her and she yowled and moved about half a foot. She eventually left for the day without any of them having to scuffle with her. Brave little bobtail, I'll tell ya, what with the 5:1 ratio. She was seriously outnumbered.
My littlest kittens are Moses and Delilah, at 11 months old. They keep catching mosquito hawks. Delilah will bring them in to show off her prize. She has orange stripes with a white face, and has black lips. It's too cute to see her head buried in this helpless insect, then slowly peek up to seek acknowledgment from me.
Moses has some strange habits. He enjoys any paper product, especially tissue and toilet paper. He has an inclination to unravel the TP roll every so often. I have had to take it off the handle when he gets out of hand with it. I also hide my tissue boxes. There have been times when I left it out, like when I've watched a movie that makes me cry. I'll get up in the morning to discover tissues all over the living room. He would be adorable if he wasn't destroying stuff. He massacres any paper. He could be my shredder. Ha ha. His other habit is totally gross. He tips over the trash can in my bathroom once a month, in search of personal hygiene products. I don't even want to share any further info on that one. Ew. Of course, he makes up for his destructive tendencies by purring really loud and long. He comes over for what I call a purr session several times a day. He sounds like he has some respiratory condition, but it's just him purring his heart out. So sweet, my motor mouth.
Maxed Out
Note: written on Tuesday...
I am so worn out, burnt out, totally fried from a marathon make up study session! I have all these diaries to do for social psychology. I have been writing all friggin day. OK, it was only 6 hours...I am already becoming a PhD lunatic, saying things like ONLY 6 hours. Sheesh.
So I decided that I cannot do everything. I am not really Supergirl, at least not in the superhero sense of the word. Once again, I did not get everything done. I had 4 days. I used 2 days to relax, as I should. Perhaps next time I can actually use part of Friday, keep Saturday for myself, and study Monday or Tuesday, not both in a row. Cramming just does not work. Ugh. I am hungry. I felt like I needed to write this, though. I want to remember what it's like. I am NOT Superwoman!
That being said, I can now officially let go of all residual guilt from not finishing a paper that I had extra time for, in order to work on other make up stuff for a different class. I can get some sleep and make a go of finishing in the morning. I can be flexible.
OK, now I can eat. I can only hope that others reading this will understand that we do not have to do everything! It is OK to do what we can and leave the rest. Life happens. Oh yea, and just because I am a psych major does not mean I have to always enjoy analyzing human behavior. Frankly, I am sick of it at the moment. I am happy to just be and let be.Love you all!
I am so worn out, burnt out, totally fried from a marathon make up study session! I have all these diaries to do for social psychology. I have been writing all friggin day. OK, it was only 6 hours...I am already becoming a PhD lunatic, saying things like ONLY 6 hours. Sheesh.
So I decided that I cannot do everything. I am not really Supergirl, at least not in the superhero sense of the word. Once again, I did not get everything done. I had 4 days. I used 2 days to relax, as I should. Perhaps next time I can actually use part of Friday, keep Saturday for myself, and study Monday or Tuesday, not both in a row. Cramming just does not work. Ugh. I am hungry. I felt like I needed to write this, though. I want to remember what it's like. I am NOT Superwoman!
That being said, I can now officially let go of all residual guilt from not finishing a paper that I had extra time for, in order to work on other make up stuff for a different class. I can get some sleep and make a go of finishing in the morning. I can be flexible.
OK, now I can eat. I can only hope that others reading this will understand that we do not have to do everything! It is OK to do what we can and leave the rest. Life happens. Oh yea, and just because I am a psych major does not mean I have to always enjoy analyzing human behavior. Frankly, I am sick of it at the moment. I am happy to just be and let be.Love you all!
Monday, April 14, 2008
Would I get arrested if I jogged in the buff?
This weekend was so hot, I actually considered ditching my clothes. I am totally serious. I don't mean in the privacy of my own home. I am talking about 7am, in the neighborhood, sweating in 80 degree weather. Or at least it felt like it. I go running every morning, usually between 7-8am. Saturday I decided that I might risk getting arrested for pulic nudity. Incidentally, we ARE naked all the time, but clothing covers our parts. Clothing keeps us warm. Well, I did not need to stay warm. So, why bother?
I pondered whether I would actually have the cajones (that's balls en espanol) to be that nonconformist. Maybe I can start my own club for athletes who are tired of being confined by the cloth on their hot, muscular bodies. We will run together, get our pictures in the paper, be featured in the news. All that crap. And we will be so comfortable letting it all hang out. Go Club Naked, baby!
I felt a twinge of jealousy as I gazed at a shirtless young man walk by me yesterday. I told him my thoughts of just taking it all off, and lamented that I could not go without a shirt, although I had of course considered the possibility. I had just finished my meeting, so I was feeling a bit spiritual. I almost began a train of thought which included breaking gender norms and all that. I realize that clothing is ridiculous, really. We use it to sustain the illusion that we are different from each other somehow. We also connect it to sexuality.
So of course I had noticed that this guy was hot, in more ways than one (I am quoting 11 year old Paul, who said this of himself at my friend's daughter's bday party. Hilarious). This shirtless guy was hot, and I was horny. I admit it. Why else would I mention getting nude to beat the heat to a supposedly random stranger, while standing in a lovely sundress looking just as hot? Like I said, there's a sexual element to nudity in this country, and I am socialized this way, just like everyone else. Or I am just lookin for love in all the right places. Ha ha.
I have a proposition to make. I dare you to do something that violates a norm. I did this for an assignment once, and so much was revealed. Except my clothing...I did not take it that far. I invaded personal space, and took my guy friend out on a date which I paid for. I even opened his doors. That was silly. I will share more on that later. But first, I have a question.
*Weekly Challenge*
Would any of you risk possible ridicule and embarrassment, or even legal intervention by walking around your neighborhood in the nude?
If you could not bring yourself to do something this extreme, how far would you go to break a societal norm?
I was fully clothed all weekend. I wish I could have just gone for it, but I didn't have the guts. Please share your stories. Have fun!
I pondered whether I would actually have the cajones (that's balls en espanol) to be that nonconformist. Maybe I can start my own club for athletes who are tired of being confined by the cloth on their hot, muscular bodies. We will run together, get our pictures in the paper, be featured in the news. All that crap. And we will be so comfortable letting it all hang out. Go Club Naked, baby!
I felt a twinge of jealousy as I gazed at a shirtless young man walk by me yesterday. I told him my thoughts of just taking it all off, and lamented that I could not go without a shirt, although I had of course considered the possibility. I had just finished my meeting, so I was feeling a bit spiritual. I almost began a train of thought which included breaking gender norms and all that. I realize that clothing is ridiculous, really. We use it to sustain the illusion that we are different from each other somehow. We also connect it to sexuality.
So of course I had noticed that this guy was hot, in more ways than one (I am quoting 11 year old Paul, who said this of himself at my friend's daughter's bday party. Hilarious). This shirtless guy was hot, and I was horny. I admit it. Why else would I mention getting nude to beat the heat to a supposedly random stranger, while standing in a lovely sundress looking just as hot? Like I said, there's a sexual element to nudity in this country, and I am socialized this way, just like everyone else. Or I am just lookin for love in all the right places. Ha ha.
I have a proposition to make. I dare you to do something that violates a norm. I did this for an assignment once, and so much was revealed. Except my clothing...I did not take it that far. I invaded personal space, and took my guy friend out on a date which I paid for. I even opened his doors. That was silly. I will share more on that later. But first, I have a question.
*Weekly Challenge*
Would any of you risk possible ridicule and embarrassment, or even legal intervention by walking around your neighborhood in the nude?
If you could not bring yourself to do something this extreme, how far would you go to break a societal norm?
I was fully clothed all weekend. I wish I could have just gone for it, but I didn't have the guts. Please share your stories. Have fun!
Friday, April 11, 2008
Gossip Does Not Help With Levitating but Cannibalism makes me Hungry
I keep wondering if I could be offending Oral B guy. I wrote all over the internet (ie, blog) about his behavior with the ladies of Psych 312. Was this really necessary?
So...I want to say right now that what I comment on in my blog is for entertainment purposes only. I always write about what I know and what I observe. I merely tell it like I see it. With this guy, however, I feel as though I need to publicly acknowledge that I have shared a tad too many opinions about his character. Perhaps I ought to be looking at my own character instead? Hmm. Perhaps.
Other than that, life is absolutely fantastic. Today was Bizarre Behavior class. I am so fascinated by everything we learn in there. Yes, I do believe that Fridays are destined to be interesting blog days. We learned about cannibalism this morning, as Chemistry club put on a free BBQ.
**DISCLAIMER: What you are about to read is extremely graphic in nature. Although used for entertainment purposes, it is not recommended that anyone with a weak stomach read this, esp before a meal. OK, you have been properly warned.
We heard of a man named Armin Meiwes from Germany, who found a masochist named Bernd-Juergen Brande from the internet. Bernd was willing to offer his penis to be sauteed with garlic and eaten as a dinner for two. Bernd could not join Armin for this interesting meal, as he was too woozy from blood loss and too loaded on alcohol and pain killers. Two hours later, Armin slit his throat, hung him on meat hooks, cut off some chunks and BBQ'd the meat. Yum. (I am totally kidding).
Upon hearing this case study, my classmate leaned into me and said, "That's some one night stand!" (thanks Elissa). Sounds of me stifling laughter while talking about horrific acts of violence and grossness followed. Dr. Volkan even joined the fun and said he wouldn't comment on Germans not knowing how to prepare sausage. OMG I was rolling. You gotta laugh, you know, or this stuff could really get under your skin. Sorta leaves a bad taste in your mouth, doesn't it? Ha ha. I had to get another one in there.
Well, that ought to be enough bizarre behavior for one evening. That's just a taste of what we hear in class. If you want the entree, you will just have to sign up for it yourself. Bon Apetit!
So...I want to say right now that what I comment on in my blog is for entertainment purposes only. I always write about what I know and what I observe. I merely tell it like I see it. With this guy, however, I feel as though I need to publicly acknowledge that I have shared a tad too many opinions about his character. Perhaps I ought to be looking at my own character instead? Hmm. Perhaps.
Other than that, life is absolutely fantastic. Today was Bizarre Behavior class. I am so fascinated by everything we learn in there. Yes, I do believe that Fridays are destined to be interesting blog days. We learned about cannibalism this morning, as Chemistry club put on a free BBQ.
**DISCLAIMER: What you are about to read is extremely graphic in nature. Although used for entertainment purposes, it is not recommended that anyone with a weak stomach read this, esp before a meal. OK, you have been properly warned.
We heard of a man named Armin Meiwes from Germany, who found a masochist named Bernd-Juergen Brande from the internet. Bernd was willing to offer his penis to be sauteed with garlic and eaten as a dinner for two. Bernd could not join Armin for this interesting meal, as he was too woozy from blood loss and too loaded on alcohol and pain killers. Two hours later, Armin slit his throat, hung him on meat hooks, cut off some chunks and BBQ'd the meat. Yum. (I am totally kidding).
Upon hearing this case study, my classmate leaned into me and said, "That's some one night stand!" (thanks Elissa). Sounds of me stifling laughter while talking about horrific acts of violence and grossness followed. Dr. Volkan even joined the fun and said he wouldn't comment on Germans not knowing how to prepare sausage. OMG I was rolling. You gotta laugh, you know, or this stuff could really get under your skin. Sorta leaves a bad taste in your mouth, doesn't it? Ha ha. I had to get another one in there.
Well, that ought to be enough bizarre behavior for one evening. That's just a taste of what we hear in class. If you want the entree, you will just have to sign up for it yourself. Bon Apetit!
Service to the Max
As Brea put it, watch me as I do some levitating. :)
I was powering out some school assignments on Tuesday evening when my neighbor Starr came to my door, asking me if I could take her to the ER. She needed a blood transfusion, she said. Whoa. I will spare her privacy and leave out the details, but let’s just say she should not have been walking at all at that point. The doc said she had like 1/3 of the blood that normal folks should have at any given time. They gave her oxygen and saline drip. The blood came later, after a few other procedures and when I had gone.
By the way, I am absolutely fascinated by medical procedures. I love getting blood drawn (or in this case, watching it being done). If I had not made some poor choices made in my past, I would always give blood. Brea, you are so vein! You can give blood for me, ok? Anyway, my curiosity about the ER, coupled by the fact that Starr needed support, kept me hanging out there for about 3 hours. Did I mention that nearly all the staff, esp the men, are totally hot?
The last few times I’ve visited the emergency room has been with friends. I have fortunately never had to go for myself before. Maybe that is partially why I felt completely at ease there. I almost felt like changing careers. Maybe I’ll be a psych nurse. I was especially drawn to the patients. Starr was really nervous, and I was totally calm. She was grateful for the support. I smiled at a woman being cared for in the hall, and felt all warm and fuzzy as she grinned back at me. I took interest in an injured man being guarded by a K9 dog and 2 officers. My curiosity wanted to lead me right over to him and ask what’s up. I held back that urge, as I carefully exited.
Cottage Hospital has free valet parking, which is so foreign to me. Frankly it made me kinda nervous at first. It is convenient though. I waited for what felt like 30 minutes under their canopy in the cold gusty wind. I didn’t eat dinner until 8:30pm. I called Starr’s daughter Tegan, who was staying at her boyfriend’s house for the night. Starr was kept overnight for observation.
Tonight, after a very long day...I helped my other neighbor James jump start his new old 1988 BMW. I was already in PJs and really wanting to settle in with some dinner and a movie. But I helped him first. God knows I’ve had a ton of help pushing my VW back in the day, so I guess I sorta owe. I feel really good being there for others. I also got reminded that sometimes my routine can be shaken up a bit, and I will survive. I talked to my instructor about the paper I had not quite finished, due to the emergency with Starr. He totally understood and is allowing me extra time.
Whew.Now I am ready to take care of Michelle. I am exhausted. Good night.
I was powering out some school assignments on Tuesday evening when my neighbor Starr came to my door, asking me if I could take her to the ER. She needed a blood transfusion, she said. Whoa. I will spare her privacy and leave out the details, but let’s just say she should not have been walking at all at that point. The doc said she had like 1/3 of the blood that normal folks should have at any given time. They gave her oxygen and saline drip. The blood came later, after a few other procedures and when I had gone.
By the way, I am absolutely fascinated by medical procedures. I love getting blood drawn (or in this case, watching it being done). If I had not made some poor choices made in my past, I would always give blood. Brea, you are so vein! You can give blood for me, ok? Anyway, my curiosity about the ER, coupled by the fact that Starr needed support, kept me hanging out there for about 3 hours. Did I mention that nearly all the staff, esp the men, are totally hot?
The last few times I’ve visited the emergency room has been with friends. I have fortunately never had to go for myself before. Maybe that is partially why I felt completely at ease there. I almost felt like changing careers. Maybe I’ll be a psych nurse. I was especially drawn to the patients. Starr was really nervous, and I was totally calm. She was grateful for the support. I smiled at a woman being cared for in the hall, and felt all warm and fuzzy as she grinned back at me. I took interest in an injured man being guarded by a K9 dog and 2 officers. My curiosity wanted to lead me right over to him and ask what’s up. I held back that urge, as I carefully exited.
Cottage Hospital has free valet parking, which is so foreign to me. Frankly it made me kinda nervous at first. It is convenient though. I waited for what felt like 30 minutes under their canopy in the cold gusty wind. I didn’t eat dinner until 8:30pm. I called Starr’s daughter Tegan, who was staying at her boyfriend’s house for the night. Starr was kept overnight for observation.
Tonight, after a very long day...I helped my other neighbor James jump start his new old 1988 BMW. I was already in PJs and really wanting to settle in with some dinner and a movie. But I helped him first. God knows I’ve had a ton of help pushing my VW back in the day, so I guess I sorta owe. I feel really good being there for others. I also got reminded that sometimes my routine can be shaken up a bit, and I will survive. I talked to my instructor about the paper I had not quite finished, due to the emergency with Starr. He totally understood and is allowing me extra time.
Whew.Now I am ready to take care of Michelle. I am exhausted. Good night.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Gandhi...or Ghandi?
I misspelled Gandhi when posting a forum yesterday, and was corrected. His name is not Ghandi. Someone replied and told me his friends from India told him that ghandi means something funny. I usually spell it correctly, but this time I made a typo.
Well, as motivated (read: obsessed) I am with knowing seemingly random facts, I got busy. I googled (this is now a verb, see?) the word ghandi. Turns out I am not the only one having trouble spelling his name. Even Google brought up Mahatma Ghandi as a legitimate spelling. I had to try really hard to find the true meaning of it too.
I finally found out that ghandi means "one who takes it in the ass" in Hindi. This took forever and a day to find out! I also learned that the West constantly misspells his name, partly because of the way Hindi letters are translated. I happen to believe the other reason is because we are arrogant as a nation and rarely stop to consider that the placement of a letter could offend someone from India. Although it has been done so often and for so long, I tend to wonder if they just laugh at our faux pas. We have such a drastically different alphabet too. I love the way Hindi looks. I want to learn to write like this...Here is some right now, just to demonstrate the beauty of the language.
This is actually Sanscrit: महात्मा mahātmā — "Great Soul" .
Gandhi was also called Bapu (Gujarati: બાપુ bāpu—"Father").
Here are some quotes on nonviolence from Gandhi Ji...
"When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love has always won. There have been tyrants and murderers and for a time they seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall — think of it, always."
"What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans, and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty and democracy?"
"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."
"There are many causes that I am prepared to die for but no causes that I am prepared to kill for."
"Be the change you want to see in the world." (this is by far my favorite quote)
I love learning new things.
Well, as motivated (read: obsessed) I am with knowing seemingly random facts, I got busy. I googled (this is now a verb, see?) the word ghandi. Turns out I am not the only one having trouble spelling his name. Even Google brought up Mahatma Ghandi as a legitimate spelling. I had to try really hard to find the true meaning of it too.
I finally found out that ghandi means "one who takes it in the ass" in Hindi. This took forever and a day to find out! I also learned that the West constantly misspells his name, partly because of the way Hindi letters are translated. I happen to believe the other reason is because we are arrogant as a nation and rarely stop to consider that the placement of a letter could offend someone from India. Although it has been done so often and for so long, I tend to wonder if they just laugh at our faux pas. We have such a drastically different alphabet too. I love the way Hindi looks. I want to learn to write like this...Here is some right now, just to demonstrate the beauty of the language.
This is actually Sanscrit: महात्मा mahātmā — "Great Soul" .
Gandhi was also called Bapu (Gujarati: બાપુ bāpu—"Father").
Here are some quotes on nonviolence from Gandhi Ji...
"When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love has always won. There have been tyrants and murderers and for a time they seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall — think of it, always."
"What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans, and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty and democracy?"
"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."
"There are many causes that I am prepared to die for but no causes that I am prepared to kill for."
"Be the change you want to see in the world." (this is by far my favorite quote)
I love learning new things.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Not sure yet...
I want to live my life with complete and utter abandon. That is, I am willing to just let things and people be, including myself! Living with complete abandon is not necessarily being out of control. Actually, what it means to me is I am living fully...free to express my feelings, observe my zillions of thoughts and not be attached to them, and be compassionately honest with myself and everyone around me.
On another seemingly unrelated note...I just read all sorts of opinions on the book by Eckhart Tolle called A New Earth. I got so entrenched by all the negativity and anger spewing forth, it made me just about as frustrated as the person venting. I guess an issue is that people in the Christian faith are offended. Well, some of them. No, correction. One of them. This one woman was posting like crazy about Jesus being our only savior, and we are all sinners, and essentially was mad at Eckhart Tolle, or warning us against him as a false prophet. Oh jeepers.
So of course I had to give her a little peace and love offering. Sometimes I wonder, however, if she can even hear that message, or is just reading it as her opposition to be reckoned with. And is my ego involved in what I told her, or am I truly helping by being calm and serene, and definitely spiritual? OK, I guess if I have to question it, I was not being as spiritual as I had hoped. But my heart was in the right place, clearly. See how our minds can take us where we need not go? Had I not began writing about this, I would have been satisfied with my response to her and moved on. Or not be satisfied, still moving on.
But, alas, I get sucked in. I get thrown into the chaos, and seem to welcome it, perhaps even enjoy it. Hmm. Could this be one of my character challenges. For all friends of Bill, that’s my positive version of "character defects". I just came up with that. You like? I love it.
Anyway, my addiction to drama is still alive and well. Back to this living with complete abandon. I conceptualize this as the ability to live life without the burden of fear that holds so many of us down. This fear causes us to feel pain in our bodies, and our spirits suffer. I am learning to live free from fear.
I have had this overwhelming fear of not doing it right. Here is another one of my character challenges...perfectionism. So today I am writing without any edits, save spelling/grammar fixes...progress, not perfection. Ha ha. I am really good at spotting grammatical errors. I might be a good editor, actually. But this perfectionISM holds me back from fully living. I end up judging myself and others for not being perfect enough.
The spiritual, sane part of me realizes that I am imperfectly perfect, just as I am. So is everyone else. I can be at times so accepting of others, I bring out the best in them. This is beautiful. Simultaneously, I can own my own power and love myself by setting and maintaining boundaries. What a precious gift.
I wrote to this Christian woman that books and language are simply tools. I hope that my tool was used as a way to be of service to her today. I sensed great anger (fear) from her. I relate. Been there, done that.
Again, in regard to living my life with complete abandon (I want to stay on task)...I believe I am getting closer. I have expanded my weekend trips. I used to just go to Blockbuster and Trader Joes’s. I actually went to a First Thursday event at my friend’s spa (which is at this web address, btw... http://www.thehealthgallery.com/ ) and got hemp milk at Lassen’s last week. Oooh, so exciting. Ha ha. Seriously, though, that is progress.
Peace and Love to all of y’all.
On another seemingly unrelated note...I just read all sorts of opinions on the book by Eckhart Tolle called A New Earth. I got so entrenched by all the negativity and anger spewing forth, it made me just about as frustrated as the person venting. I guess an issue is that people in the Christian faith are offended. Well, some of them. No, correction. One of them. This one woman was posting like crazy about Jesus being our only savior, and we are all sinners, and essentially was mad at Eckhart Tolle, or warning us against him as a false prophet. Oh jeepers.
So of course I had to give her a little peace and love offering. Sometimes I wonder, however, if she can even hear that message, or is just reading it as her opposition to be reckoned with. And is my ego involved in what I told her, or am I truly helping by being calm and serene, and definitely spiritual? OK, I guess if I have to question it, I was not being as spiritual as I had hoped. But my heart was in the right place, clearly. See how our minds can take us where we need not go? Had I not began writing about this, I would have been satisfied with my response to her and moved on. Or not be satisfied, still moving on.
But, alas, I get sucked in. I get thrown into the chaos, and seem to welcome it, perhaps even enjoy it. Hmm. Could this be one of my character challenges. For all friends of Bill, that’s my positive version of "character defects". I just came up with that. You like? I love it.
Anyway, my addiction to drama is still alive and well. Back to this living with complete abandon. I conceptualize this as the ability to live life without the burden of fear that holds so many of us down. This fear causes us to feel pain in our bodies, and our spirits suffer. I am learning to live free from fear.
I have had this overwhelming fear of not doing it right. Here is another one of my character challenges...perfectionism. So today I am writing without any edits, save spelling/grammar fixes...progress, not perfection. Ha ha. I am really good at spotting grammatical errors. I might be a good editor, actually. But this perfectionISM holds me back from fully living. I end up judging myself and others for not being perfect enough.
The spiritual, sane part of me realizes that I am imperfectly perfect, just as I am. So is everyone else. I can be at times so accepting of others, I bring out the best in them. This is beautiful. Simultaneously, I can own my own power and love myself by setting and maintaining boundaries. What a precious gift.
I wrote to this Christian woman that books and language are simply tools. I hope that my tool was used as a way to be of service to her today. I sensed great anger (fear) from her. I relate. Been there, done that.
Again, in regard to living my life with complete abandon (I want to stay on task)...I believe I am getting closer. I have expanded my weekend trips. I used to just go to Blockbuster and Trader Joes’s. I actually went to a First Thursday event at my friend’s spa (which is at this web address, btw... http://www.thehealthgallery.com/ ) and got hemp milk at Lassen’s last week. Oooh, so exciting. Ha ha. Seriously, though, that is progress.
Peace and Love to all of y’all.
My Neighborhood
I hope to post a blog a day for the entire month of April. I just noticed I missed one on the 3rd, so I am doubling up tonight.I blogged about food (is blogged even a word?) before.
I have forgotten to mention that we have banana peels, if anyone wants some. Seriously, my neighbor Ryan works at the coffee shop called the Daily Grind, which offers smoothies and freshly squeezed juices. Anyway, I am guessing that is where the huge trash bag filled with banana peels came from. My other neighbor Starr told him they are really good for the garden. Ryan and Steph are a couple, and Mike is a geologist whose girlfriend Liz moved to South America to study espanol. Liz and I became fast friends one day, when we started hiking. Ryan is studying chemistry and Steph works full time. They are all exactly 25 years old . Steph and I talk a lot when we have the time, which has not been lately. They have barbeques, play horseshoes, like to make old things new, and are totally organic. They are all so awesome.
Ryan, Steph and Mike live in the front house, and constructed a compost container a while ago. We all contribute to this pile, and Ryan mixes it up. I throw all sorts of stuff in there, like my daily carrot juice pulp. He never complains about the plethora of flies that increase with my contributions.
We live in a small alcove off of a very busy street. We have our own community, replete with roses, garden vegetables, a loquat tree, lots of cats, and a seeing eye dog in training. We all get along well, with the exception of last night, when my next door neighbors were way too loud til really late. They had too much wine. They are the couple with Suzie, the seeing eye dog in training. They are James and Jamie to us, but Jamie calls him Ryan since their names are essentially the same. Jamie wants to learn to garden, but still feels nervous about it. I am going to teach her how to transplant, one of these days.
Starr just lost a kitty named Ophelia Rose to a sudden stroke, so she has recently accelerated her plant purchases. In fact, she has taken to calling it garden therapy. We all enjoy the route she decided upon, which resulted in more than a dozen rose plants, sweet peas, freesias, and our most recent addition, the wysteria. My favorite byproduct is the aroma of our common area. We also have jasmine in bloom at the moment, and the sweetness can make a person pause in awe just passing by.
Anna adopted my kitty Tabitha, who visits me every day and has found relief and a happy life there. She just never adjusted with 4 other cats around. Anna will call me if one of my kitties is not quite ready to come inside. On occasion, she will shut the cat door, and I walk 2 doors down to her house and pick them up. What a sweet woman, Anna. She keeps to herself most of the time, enjoying a good read on a Sunday afternoon. And she adores all kitty cats. Even before Tabitha went to live with her, Anna would have food and water out for all the neighborhood cats who came to visit her. She also brought my cat Sebastian to the hospital when I was away, and paid the bill. Sebastian never made it home from there. Anna keeps pictures of him along with her Margaret who passed several years ago, available for viewing anytime on her coffee table.
Sally is my other neighbor, who always has family living with her, or coming to visit. She is my friend Gail Jean’s mom. I almost never see her, but I see her son and grandkids all the time. This is just a taste of our wonderful little ’hood. I love my home.
I have forgotten to mention that we have banana peels, if anyone wants some. Seriously, my neighbor Ryan works at the coffee shop called the Daily Grind, which offers smoothies and freshly squeezed juices. Anyway, I am guessing that is where the huge trash bag filled with banana peels came from. My other neighbor Starr told him they are really good for the garden. Ryan and Steph are a couple, and Mike is a geologist whose girlfriend Liz moved to South America to study espanol. Liz and I became fast friends one day, when we started hiking. Ryan is studying chemistry and Steph works full time. They are all exactly 25 years old . Steph and I talk a lot when we have the time, which has not been lately. They have barbeques, play horseshoes, like to make old things new, and are totally organic. They are all so awesome.
Ryan, Steph and Mike live in the front house, and constructed a compost container a while ago. We all contribute to this pile, and Ryan mixes it up. I throw all sorts of stuff in there, like my daily carrot juice pulp. He never complains about the plethora of flies that increase with my contributions.
We live in a small alcove off of a very busy street. We have our own community, replete with roses, garden vegetables, a loquat tree, lots of cats, and a seeing eye dog in training. We all get along well, with the exception of last night, when my next door neighbors were way too loud til really late. They had too much wine. They are the couple with Suzie, the seeing eye dog in training. They are James and Jamie to us, but Jamie calls him Ryan since their names are essentially the same. Jamie wants to learn to garden, but still feels nervous about it. I am going to teach her how to transplant, one of these days.
Starr just lost a kitty named Ophelia Rose to a sudden stroke, so she has recently accelerated her plant purchases. In fact, she has taken to calling it garden therapy. We all enjoy the route she decided upon, which resulted in more than a dozen rose plants, sweet peas, freesias, and our most recent addition, the wysteria. My favorite byproduct is the aroma of our common area. We also have jasmine in bloom at the moment, and the sweetness can make a person pause in awe just passing by.
Anna adopted my kitty Tabitha, who visits me every day and has found relief and a happy life there. She just never adjusted with 4 other cats around. Anna will call me if one of my kitties is not quite ready to come inside. On occasion, she will shut the cat door, and I walk 2 doors down to her house and pick them up. What a sweet woman, Anna. She keeps to herself most of the time, enjoying a good read on a Sunday afternoon. And she adores all kitty cats. Even before Tabitha went to live with her, Anna would have food and water out for all the neighborhood cats who came to visit her. She also brought my cat Sebastian to the hospital when I was away, and paid the bill. Sebastian never made it home from there. Anna keeps pictures of him along with her Margaret who passed several years ago, available for viewing anytime on her coffee table.
Sally is my other neighbor, who always has family living with her, or coming to visit. She is my friend Gail Jean’s mom. I almost never see her, but I see her son and grandkids all the time. This is just a taste of our wonderful little ’hood. I love my home.
There is such a thing as too much research...
I overheard a radio commercial last week for a new item at Wendy’s, called the Spicy Baconator. All I heard that perked my ears was that it had 7 slices of bacon! The spokesperson claimed, "If you can’t count the amount of slices on two hands, it isn’t enough." I am paraphrasing, but you get the point. I was immediately appalled, and frankly, pretty grossed out. I love bacon, don’t get me wrong. But that portion size could feed me for 3 meals!
So, I decided to research this ridiculous burger. I went to the Wendy’s website, where they tell me, "It’s waaaay better than fast food. It’s Wendy’s." Are they actually claiming to NOT be fast food? Come on. Then, I checked out nutrition information for this Spicy Baconator. This fresh not frozen burger with 6 slices of bacon and pepper jack cheese has 1120 calories, fully loaded. The average daily caloric intake is supposed to be around 2000 calories, depending on age and body size. And...the average American is likely to order a combo meal, which includes fries and a soft drink. That makes the total close to 1500 calories. Wow.
The supersizing phenomenon began back in the 1970s, to increase revenue. So not only does the average fast food eater order the fries and drink, they get enough for 2-3 people! Portion control problems have been rising, as the weight and health issues of Americans soar. And we continue to be encouraged to consume MORE by the fast food industry.
Here’s another disturbing fact: Wendy’s and other fast foods contain enormous amounts of additives, preservatives, and artificial flavors, not to mention trans fats and loads of salts and sugars. Some of these chemicals can be found in sunscreen, semiconductors, paint, and food coloring. Ew.
I noticed that salad dressings were filled with the most additives, their ingredients list being a whole paragraph. Lettuce was the only ingredient untouched.
Anyway, whenever I get interested in knowing the facts about something in our world, I rush in like gangbusters to find out everything I can about it. If you are anything like me, you ought to check out what we have been voluntarily consuming and applying for most of our lives. Although I occasionally come off a little fanatical, I do believe it is important to know what we are being served, foods or otherwise, so that we can make conscious, healthy choices. Here are a few websites for ya.
http://www.organicconsumers.org/articles/article_8231.cfm
http://www.wendys.com/
http://www.organicconsumers.org/foodsafety/fastfood032103.cfm
http://www.ewg.org/node/21319
OK, I am now stepping off of my soapbox. Have a happy, healthy evening.
So, I decided to research this ridiculous burger. I went to the Wendy’s website, where they tell me, "It’s waaaay better than fast food. It’s Wendy’s." Are they actually claiming to NOT be fast food? Come on. Then, I checked out nutrition information for this Spicy Baconator. This fresh not frozen burger with 6 slices of bacon and pepper jack cheese has 1120 calories, fully loaded. The average daily caloric intake is supposed to be around 2000 calories, depending on age and body size. And...the average American is likely to order a combo meal, which includes fries and a soft drink. That makes the total close to 1500 calories. Wow.
The supersizing phenomenon began back in the 1970s, to increase revenue. So not only does the average fast food eater order the fries and drink, they get enough for 2-3 people! Portion control problems have been rising, as the weight and health issues of Americans soar. And we continue to be encouraged to consume MORE by the fast food industry.
Here’s another disturbing fact: Wendy’s and other fast foods contain enormous amounts of additives, preservatives, and artificial flavors, not to mention trans fats and loads of salts and sugars. Some of these chemicals can be found in sunscreen, semiconductors, paint, and food coloring. Ew.
I noticed that salad dressings were filled with the most additives, their ingredients list being a whole paragraph. Lettuce was the only ingredient untouched.
Anyway, whenever I get interested in knowing the facts about something in our world, I rush in like gangbusters to find out everything I can about it. If you are anything like me, you ought to check out what we have been voluntarily consuming and applying for most of our lives. Although I occasionally come off a little fanatical, I do believe it is important to know what we are being served, foods or otherwise, so that we can make conscious, healthy choices. Here are a few websites for ya.
http://www.organicconsumers.org/articles/article_8231.cfm
http://www.wendys.com/
http://www.organicconsumers.org/foodsafety/fastfood032103.cfm
http://www.ewg.org/node/21319
OK, I am now stepping off of my soapbox. Have a happy, healthy evening.
Friday, April 4, 2008
Vlad Clearly had Issues, but Kappa was merely flatulent
We learned about vampires and werewolves today in our Bizarre Behavior class. I love being assigned readings on vampires. How awesome it is to study the history and different ways the myth has played out in real life. We discussed two historical vampires, actual people who maimed and killed from blood lust.
The most infamous was Vlad the Impaler. Vlad was a contemporary rogue named Dracula, which means Son of the Devil. Vlad was born in 1431 in Transylvania, Hungary. As a boy, he and his brother were kept as hostages of the Turks, where they were forced to live until adulthood. He later took over the throne and formed an alliance with the Turks.Well, he had a thing about impaling. In 1569, he had an Easter Sunday feast for the townfolk. Vlad arrested most of the guests, and impaled the rest. On another occasion, he invited all those unfortunates-the poor, crippled, hungry. He fed them, then proceeded to lock the room and set it on fire. This was merely the beginning.
Vlad impaled 30,000 people in one day, for tax evasion. He also boiled and burned people alive, and disemboweled pregnant mothers. Turks had turbans nailed to their heads after they refused to remove them. Vlad was eventually imprisoned, but allowed freedom to come and go. Personally, this makes no sense to me...it's an oxymoron to be imprisoned and free at the same time. During this time, he continued to kill, and was known to impale animals and even insects. Aside from being horrified, I wondered what he used to impale an insect...a toothpick? This was one sick man.
On a much lighter note...We learned of the Japanese mythical creature named Kappa. This monkeylike critter with reptilian features has 3 ani (that is plural for anus, by the way...), which explains the powerful fart. Kappa-Maki is a popular sushi dish, named this because the Kappa finds cucumber is delicious. Kappa can function as a vampire, and has been blamed for bad events such as violence or disease. He stays powerful by keeping his head wet.
Another funny bit of trivia...werewolves are frequently sighted in Wisconsin. They are 7-8 feet tall, 400+ pounds, look like wolves, and stand upright like men. I wonder why Wisconsin has so many? Hmm.
I don’t know about you all, but I would much rather take my chances with the Kappa then to ever be near Vlad. Vlad was beyond bad. Farts I can handle.
The most infamous was Vlad the Impaler. Vlad was a contemporary rogue named Dracula, which means Son of the Devil. Vlad was born in 1431 in Transylvania, Hungary. As a boy, he and his brother were kept as hostages of the Turks, where they were forced to live until adulthood. He later took over the throne and formed an alliance with the Turks.Well, he had a thing about impaling. In 1569, he had an Easter Sunday feast for the townfolk. Vlad arrested most of the guests, and impaled the rest. On another occasion, he invited all those unfortunates-the poor, crippled, hungry. He fed them, then proceeded to lock the room and set it on fire. This was merely the beginning.
Vlad impaled 30,000 people in one day, for tax evasion. He also boiled and burned people alive, and disemboweled pregnant mothers. Turks had turbans nailed to their heads after they refused to remove them. Vlad was eventually imprisoned, but allowed freedom to come and go. Personally, this makes no sense to me...it's an oxymoron to be imprisoned and free at the same time. During this time, he continued to kill, and was known to impale animals and even insects. Aside from being horrified, I wondered what he used to impale an insect...a toothpick? This was one sick man.
On a much lighter note...We learned of the Japanese mythical creature named Kappa. This monkeylike critter with reptilian features has 3 ani (that is plural for anus, by the way...), which explains the powerful fart. Kappa-Maki is a popular sushi dish, named this because the Kappa finds cucumber is delicious. Kappa can function as a vampire, and has been blamed for bad events such as violence or disease. He stays powerful by keeping his head wet.
Another funny bit of trivia...werewolves are frequently sighted in Wisconsin. They are 7-8 feet tall, 400+ pounds, look like wolves, and stand upright like men. I wonder why Wisconsin has so many? Hmm.
I don’t know about you all, but I would much rather take my chances with the Kappa then to ever be near Vlad. Vlad was beyond bad. Farts I can handle.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Oral B Guy is so not a Smooth Operator
OK, so there’s this guy in my social psych class who one day mentioned using no toothpaste and an Oral B electric toothbrush. This was during a discussion on persuasion through advertising and marketing. He swore he was unaffected by advertising. Yet, he mentioned the brand name Oral B. I did not know his name.
After our exam today, about 5-6 of the women from the class gathered to compare answers and grumble about confusing questions. Essentially, we were holding a debriefing in the hallway. He approached and I said, "Oh, hey. You’re the Oral B guy, right? That’s how I remember you, from that day you mentioned using it." He did not clarify by offering his name.
Instead, he offered a kiss! This sounded so ridiculous. He was the only guy in a group of women, and we had amassed to about 8 of us. He said, "So, do you wanna kiss?" No one responded, so it was seemingly overlooked as a nonissue. I personally picked up on the cheesy pick up line, and immediately found enough humor to write about it in a blog.
I have been observing said Oral B guy for a few weeks, ever since he mentioned his dental care practices. He appears awkward and impulsive. He is the guy who will speak out when silence would definitely serve him. He strikes me as a bit socially inept. Mind you, we are all studying psychology to be either therapists or teachers. Oy vay, as my mom would say. I am so glad we are required to have our own therapy sessions before we begin our practice. I could just hear him saying to a client with relationship issues, "So, do you wanna kiss?"
He happened to be parked next to me this evening. He said a cheery "Goodbye, classmate" and took off to wherever life takes him. Thanks Oral B guy, for being our entertainment for the day.
After our exam today, about 5-6 of the women from the class gathered to compare answers and grumble about confusing questions. Essentially, we were holding a debriefing in the hallway. He approached and I said, "Oh, hey. You’re the Oral B guy, right? That’s how I remember you, from that day you mentioned using it." He did not clarify by offering his name.
Instead, he offered a kiss! This sounded so ridiculous. He was the only guy in a group of women, and we had amassed to about 8 of us. He said, "So, do you wanna kiss?" No one responded, so it was seemingly overlooked as a nonissue. I personally picked up on the cheesy pick up line, and immediately found enough humor to write about it in a blog.
I have been observing said Oral B guy for a few weeks, ever since he mentioned his dental care practices. He appears awkward and impulsive. He is the guy who will speak out when silence would definitely serve him. He strikes me as a bit socially inept. Mind you, we are all studying psychology to be either therapists or teachers. Oy vay, as my mom would say. I am so glad we are required to have our own therapy sessions before we begin our practice. I could just hear him saying to a client with relationship issues, "So, do you wanna kiss?"
He happened to be parked next to me this evening. He said a cheery "Goodbye, classmate" and took off to wherever life takes him. Thanks Oral B guy, for being our entertainment for the day.
Recycling Condoms?!? What will they think of next?
I read the following tip almost to the end, not realizing what day it was sent until late this afternoon. They sound quite serious about this. ..TR>
Is the third time really a charm?
The BiteYes, yes, yes! Everyone knows to turn used condoms inside-out for another go, but with a quick rinse, you can save additional latex and cash by using condoms three times before chucking ’em, instead of just two. Recycling just got 33% sexier.
The Benefits
Making cents while making love. Think of all the pennies you coulda saved if you’d adopted this tip during your slutty phase in college.
Saving the planet, one love glove at a time. According to science, if we don’t start reusing condoms more frequently, we’ll drive the wooly mammoth to extinction.
Pre-lubrication. Reusing saves lube too.
Personally Speaking...Condoms can tear during rinsing even if you’re careful, so be gentle. That said, we’ve been doing this for years, and it’s resulted in only three unexpected pregnancies.
Wanna Try?
Centers for Disease Control and Planned Parenthood - y’know, just in case.
April Fools, Biters! Feel free to pass this along...we’ll be busy sorting through the hate mail from readers who didn’t make it this far.
Is the third time really a charm?
The BiteYes, yes, yes! Everyone knows to turn used condoms inside-out for another go, but with a quick rinse, you can save additional latex and cash by using condoms three times before chucking ’em, instead of just two. Recycling just got 33% sexier.
The Benefits
Making cents while making love. Think of all the pennies you coulda saved if you’d adopted this tip during your slutty phase in college.
Saving the planet, one love glove at a time. According to science, if we don’t start reusing condoms more frequently, we’ll drive the wooly mammoth to extinction.
Pre-lubrication. Reusing saves lube too.
Personally Speaking...Condoms can tear during rinsing even if you’re careful, so be gentle. That said, we’ve been doing this for years, and it’s resulted in only three unexpected pregnancies.
Wanna Try?
Centers for Disease Control and Planned Parenthood - y’know, just in case.
April Fools, Biters! Feel free to pass this along...we’ll be busy sorting through the hate mail from readers who didn’t make it this far.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Information Police in SB?
I went for my walk this morning and noticed a woman tearing down flyers off of power poles. I had actually just been wondering what they might say, as they were across the street too far from view.
I was curious about her reason for doing this. Moreover, I was a little annoyed that she was taking it upon herself to remove what someone obviously wanted others to see. Where does she get off deciding what people should or should not read? Whatever happened to free speech? I eagerly anticipated seeing another flyer. I wanted to know what this was all about. Was she offended? If I were offended by it, would I have removed the flyers too? Perhaps the message was hateful, like a racial epithet.
Then again, freedom of speech includes words we do not all agree with. Hmm.
So, as I walked past Our Lady of Sorrows Catholic Church, I saw a flyer on the ground. This was different (I had seen a graphic of a face on the other ones).
This flyer said the following:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DOES YOUR FAITH ATTACK OTHER RELIGIONS?
___________________________________________
"In addition to being a lover of young boys and men, Jesus was prone to outbursts of temper and hatred." - L.Ron Hubbard, founder of Scientology
___________________________________________
LEARN THE TRUTH ABOUT SCIENTOLOGY
www.bible.ca/scientology-christianity.compared.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When I picked it up, I only glanced at the quote, so I believed this to be particularly offensive. Honestly, I believe it is offensive to spread negativity in general, even when exposing someone like L.Ron Hubbard for the ridiculous cult leader that he is. Anyway, I believed I had just stumbled upon the same kind of offensive material I had suspected this woman may have encountered (assuming she was offended). I burst out laughing, knowing that if I were to stand my ground, I would have to leave the other flyers alone. There were several stapled to trees, which was an additional annoyance. I had even said to myself earlier that I was glad the flyers weren’t attached to a tree.
So I kept the one, and left the rest of them on the trees. I do believe in freedom of speech, whether good, bad or indifferent.
I am grateful that I am able to own my power, use my voice to spread a message of peace, love, and compassion for all sentient beings. Even those who want to suppress it.
PS. I do not endorse nor condemn scientology or the belief in Jesus as the Messiah. However, I have strong leanings toward the teachings I’ve heard throughout my life that include messages of love and patience for all humankind. I am sure you can all guess who that might be. It ain’t Ron.
I was curious about her reason for doing this. Moreover, I was a little annoyed that she was taking it upon herself to remove what someone obviously wanted others to see. Where does she get off deciding what people should or should not read? Whatever happened to free speech? I eagerly anticipated seeing another flyer. I wanted to know what this was all about. Was she offended? If I were offended by it, would I have removed the flyers too? Perhaps the message was hateful, like a racial epithet.
Then again, freedom of speech includes words we do not all agree with. Hmm.
So, as I walked past Our Lady of Sorrows Catholic Church, I saw a flyer on the ground. This was different (I had seen a graphic of a face on the other ones).
This flyer said the following:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DOES YOUR FAITH ATTACK OTHER RELIGIONS?
___________________________________________
"In addition to being a lover of young boys and men, Jesus was prone to outbursts of temper and hatred." - L.Ron Hubbard, founder of Scientology
___________________________________________
LEARN THE TRUTH ABOUT SCIENTOLOGY
www.bible.ca/scientology-christianity.compared.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When I picked it up, I only glanced at the quote, so I believed this to be particularly offensive. Honestly, I believe it is offensive to spread negativity in general, even when exposing someone like L.Ron Hubbard for the ridiculous cult leader that he is. Anyway, I believed I had just stumbled upon the same kind of offensive material I had suspected this woman may have encountered (assuming she was offended). I burst out laughing, knowing that if I were to stand my ground, I would have to leave the other flyers alone. There were several stapled to trees, which was an additional annoyance. I had even said to myself earlier that I was glad the flyers weren’t attached to a tree.
So I kept the one, and left the rest of them on the trees. I do believe in freedom of speech, whether good, bad or indifferent.
I am grateful that I am able to own my power, use my voice to spread a message of peace, love, and compassion for all sentient beings. Even those who want to suppress it.
PS. I do not endorse nor condemn scientology or the belief in Jesus as the Messiah. However, I have strong leanings toward the teachings I’ve heard throughout my life that include messages of love and patience for all humankind. I am sure you can all guess who that might be. It ain’t Ron.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
The Miracle of Waiting
There is magic in the space between. The more I chase a dream, the less I see of it. If I pause, and simply wait for the Great Universe to do its thing, everything I ever wanted starts happening. Other times all that I never wanted but definitely need begins to manifest. Isn’t it interesting that we often think we want or need a relationship or situation in our lives to be a certain way, and in fact we need quite another?
Often when I am unwilling to let go of the wishing, wanting, and running after someone or something, I fail to notice the space between. This is when everything is cooking. Some stuff needs to simmer a while to become full of delicious flavor, as intended.
Another miracle I get to witness these days is the result of my taking action. Sometimes we wonder when we will see the outcome of what we made happen. Well, I can see that I plant seeds. I tend to this garden we call life, and I can’t always see what will grow. Wait for it...I have been saying this to myself, as a gentle reminder to stay patient.
So this is why the concept of one day at a time always works. I may have goals and plans, but on a daily basis, I let go and focus on the here and now.
Today, I got a phone call. Tonight at 10:20pm, in fact. He called me drunk, and said he wants to get sober. I let him sleep it off, telling him to call in the morning. I called a couple of guys to see about going to a meeting tomorrow. I have waited for that call for a very long time. I heard the desperation in his voice, which I am familiar with on a cellular level. This brings me hope, as I found that desperation and utter despair to be the greatest gift I have ever received.
I am so grateful to be safe, sane, and sober. I am grateful to love myself, so that others may benefit.
Peace and Love my family. :)
Often when I am unwilling to let go of the wishing, wanting, and running after someone or something, I fail to notice the space between. This is when everything is cooking. Some stuff needs to simmer a while to become full of delicious flavor, as intended.
Another miracle I get to witness these days is the result of my taking action. Sometimes we wonder when we will see the outcome of what we made happen. Well, I can see that I plant seeds. I tend to this garden we call life, and I can’t always see what will grow. Wait for it...I have been saying this to myself, as a gentle reminder to stay patient.
So this is why the concept of one day at a time always works. I may have goals and plans, but on a daily basis, I let go and focus on the here and now.
Today, I got a phone call. Tonight at 10:20pm, in fact. He called me drunk, and said he wants to get sober. I let him sleep it off, telling him to call in the morning. I called a couple of guys to see about going to a meeting tomorrow. I have waited for that call for a very long time. I heard the desperation in his voice, which I am familiar with on a cellular level. This brings me hope, as I found that desperation and utter despair to be the greatest gift I have ever received.
I am so grateful to be safe, sane, and sober. I am grateful to love myself, so that others may benefit.
Peace and Love my family. :)
Funny Stuff
Every Friday, I attend a class called Bizarre Behavior. Today, we had a guest lecturer, Dr. Rainer Buschman, talk about zombies. Yes, I am learning about zombies in college. Psychology is such an interesting science. We get to learn every possible situation a human will find themselves in.
He included a cartoon in his slides that had a picture of 2-3 zombies sitting together. One of them proclaimed, "Whoa...I just had a near life experience." Under the picture is a heading: Zombie Encounter Group. That really tickled my funny bone for some reason.
And...I could not stop laughing until the extreme violence of the film "28 Days Later" shut me down. Up to that moment, I had the giggles for most of his lecture. He showed clips of "Dawn of the Dead". This movie has some of the worst acting I have ever witnessed. He also showed a list of instructions to avert the imminent threat of zombies.
Although his lecture was a bit long, he kept us entertained. I learned that zombies originates from the Voodoo religion. I also discovered that I am an Animist. He described animism as belief that everything has a spirit.
I could go on, but I think I’ve had enough zombie for today. :)
He included a cartoon in his slides that had a picture of 2-3 zombies sitting together. One of them proclaimed, "Whoa...I just had a near life experience." Under the picture is a heading: Zombie Encounter Group. That really tickled my funny bone for some reason.
And...I could not stop laughing until the extreme violence of the film "28 Days Later" shut me down. Up to that moment, I had the giggles for most of his lecture. He showed clips of "Dawn of the Dead". This movie has some of the worst acting I have ever witnessed. He also showed a list of instructions to avert the imminent threat of zombies.
Although his lecture was a bit long, he kept us entertained. I learned that zombies originates from the Voodoo religion. I also discovered that I am an Animist. He described animism as belief that everything has a spirit.
I could go on, but I think I’ve had enough zombie for today. :)
Reflections On A Blog Reflecting Bad News
I keep reading my friend’s blogs. I never really talk to him anymore. We dated briefly, when I lived on Robbie Circle. I thought this was cute, since that’s his name (only without the "e" at the end). I just check his MySpace now, since he no longer calls or emails me. His blogs are going beyond the usual tortured artist rants, and entering into what I can only view as deep, painful bouts of depression.
Is expression of painful feelings by way of cyberspace really helping him, or anyone for that matter? Can relief be found from this?
Well, I know that writing brings me relief. So I suppose it helps for him to vent. But all I observe from this person is a reflection of his life as a living hell, with tiny glimpses of blue skies now and then.
I want to make him all better. I know that I cannot. This is my issue. I got over being ignored by him a while ago. Now I just want the best for him, even if we never speak again. I wish for him to find peace, whatever that means for him.
I used to call him my little gothic boy, and he would call me kid. He was always kind to me, and is a good man. This I know, even with some fuzzy memories filled with question marks. It feels like ages ago, and just yesterday all at once. Again, I meet my past with a clarity I never had then. One more time, I get the sense that it is time to take a look at reality with fresh eyes. I guess I will find my own peace there.
Is expression of painful feelings by way of cyberspace really helping him, or anyone for that matter? Can relief be found from this?
Well, I know that writing brings me relief. So I suppose it helps for him to vent. But all I observe from this person is a reflection of his life as a living hell, with tiny glimpses of blue skies now and then.
I want to make him all better. I know that I cannot. This is my issue. I got over being ignored by him a while ago. Now I just want the best for him, even if we never speak again. I wish for him to find peace, whatever that means for him.
I used to call him my little gothic boy, and he would call me kid. He was always kind to me, and is a good man. This I know, even with some fuzzy memories filled with question marks. It feels like ages ago, and just yesterday all at once. Again, I meet my past with a clarity I never had then. One more time, I get the sense that it is time to take a look at reality with fresh eyes. I guess I will find my own peace there.
Monday, March 24, 2008
Getting Unstuck Really Sucks
I have a pet peeve. It’s all about labels, security devices, and price tags in all the wrong places.
Last Friday I bought a Pyrex glass baking pan. The label affixed to the inside was nearly impossible to remove without some huge effort on my part. This involved a butter knife and a bad attitude. I was embarking on a new recipe for some eggplant parmesan I had never made before. I was taking a cake at the 8pm meeting. It was nearing 6pm. I was nervous. This was not what I signed up for.
I have been harboring a resentment towards this sticky label business for a while now. Grrr.
A couple of days before this, I was about to cook some stir fry with a wok my mom bought me from Ross for Christmas. The price tag was stuck to the bottom, and could not be removed without Goo Be Gone and some hatred toward Ross and all the lack of forethought behind labelling on cookware. What were they thinking? Goo Be Gone contains petroleum. Because of this, I use it sparingly if at all, and would never find myself using it on the bottom of a pan that will soon have fire beneath it. I suppose it was better than merely burning off the label. Hrmph.
Just a week previous to all this baloney, I decided to finally open a DVD I have had for a year or so. Office Space is funny, and this one I acquired was labelled as a "Special Edition". I found 3 separate security tapes around it. Apparently, this was so special it required a little added security. I needed a knife to open the case. Geez.
During this week, I casually began to peel the package of Trader Joe’s turkey slices. I tend to bring it almost immediately to my teeth, as this is harder than it appears. I am usually stubborn enough to keep chewing on the damn thing, and it eventually opens. This time was a no go. I yanked a knife out and sliced the package, feeling liberated.
The question that always comes to mind is this: Are we protecting ourselves from each other or ourselves? We have gone too far. Will we soon have security devices stuck on our bodies? Will we have celophane wrapping on each individual strawberry to protect us from poisons and germs? Will all the store shelves be locked to prevent stealing? We are paranoid, filled with fear that paralyzes us from fully living.
Life is messy. I plan on enjoying whatever risks come my way. I take precautions within reason. Then I let the rest go. Eventually I can also claim surrender to this obsession we have with sticky stuff.
Last Friday I bought a Pyrex glass baking pan. The label affixed to the inside was nearly impossible to remove without some huge effort on my part. This involved a butter knife and a bad attitude. I was embarking on a new recipe for some eggplant parmesan I had never made before. I was taking a cake at the 8pm meeting. It was nearing 6pm. I was nervous. This was not what I signed up for.
I have been harboring a resentment towards this sticky label business for a while now. Grrr.
A couple of days before this, I was about to cook some stir fry with a wok my mom bought me from Ross for Christmas. The price tag was stuck to the bottom, and could not be removed without Goo Be Gone and some hatred toward Ross and all the lack of forethought behind labelling on cookware. What were they thinking? Goo Be Gone contains petroleum. Because of this, I use it sparingly if at all, and would never find myself using it on the bottom of a pan that will soon have fire beneath it. I suppose it was better than merely burning off the label. Hrmph.
Just a week previous to all this baloney, I decided to finally open a DVD I have had for a year or so. Office Space is funny, and this one I acquired was labelled as a "Special Edition". I found 3 separate security tapes around it. Apparently, this was so special it required a little added security. I needed a knife to open the case. Geez.
During this week, I casually began to peel the package of Trader Joe’s turkey slices. I tend to bring it almost immediately to my teeth, as this is harder than it appears. I am usually stubborn enough to keep chewing on the damn thing, and it eventually opens. This time was a no go. I yanked a knife out and sliced the package, feeling liberated.
The question that always comes to mind is this: Are we protecting ourselves from each other or ourselves? We have gone too far. Will we soon have security devices stuck on our bodies? Will we have celophane wrapping on each individual strawberry to protect us from poisons and germs? Will all the store shelves be locked to prevent stealing? We are paranoid, filled with fear that paralyzes us from fully living.
Life is messy. I plan on enjoying whatever risks come my way. I take precautions within reason. Then I let the rest go. Eventually I can also claim surrender to this obsession we have with sticky stuff.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Inertia VS Momentum
AAAAHHHHH!!!!
OK, now that I have expressed my frustration properly, here is what's up.
I had a full day to work on some projects, some studying I need to get done so I can relax and enjoy a movie with my friend Riki tonight. I began with a run this morning at around 8am, and returned by 9ish. I did some simple chores, took a shower, ate breakfast. I literally YELLED at the guy YELLING next door to stop YELLING! This looks so funny in print, but I was so not laughing at the time. I yelled, "Con permiso, no MAS!". I actually feel quite proud of myself lately, regarding the workers next door. There is a lot of daily commotion, most of which I can do nothing about. But there are some things I just don't say anything about that could be different, like music blaring on a weekend at 8am!
Well, the other day, I asked politely, en espanol, for them to please turn the music down when it is early morning on a Sunday. The young man nodded, and proceeded to turn it down until a reasonable hour. I felt so good about this. But today, I lost my cool. The guy was yelling "Propio!" several times, trying to get his attention apparently, because it was time to take a break. It was 10am. How rude! I grumbled. Even after I yelled for him to stop, he continued. I guess he finally found his friend, or actually answered my plea, 'cause he eventually put an end to the hollering (until around 1pm when he had to get one more in).
Once I got over that, I decided to balance my check book. Not a bad idea, but I was avoiding my tasks at hand, which I am doing right now. I have a full laundry basket just waiting to be taken for a wash, rinse, and spin. I have incompleted flash cards for my least favorite statistics course.
I also have a paper I haven't started on the Premack Principle, which ironically enough has to do with what is happening now. Our instructor used a plate of food as an analogy. If there is some spinach, potatoes, and chocolate cake on the plate, what I am doing right now is eating the cake before my spinach. On Saturday, I ate spinach first (did my HW), and was able to thoroughly enjoy my cake, which was free time outside in the sunshine. Our assignment involves the changing of a habit, using this principle, and writing about it. I suppose I could say I am doing research right now. Or...it's just that damned inertia, moving me nowhere, keeping me stagnant, preventing me from fully living. Yep, that could be it, too.
Once again, I begin to feel a sense of impending doom, whenever I have such a loose plan for the day. Grrrr. Additionally, I am caught between simply writing for a living, and doing all the other psych crap in front of me first. Creative writing is my chocolate cake at the moment, with psychology being the spinach. Even more ironic is the fact that I eat a delicious spinach salad every day for lunch.
Alright, I am going to start....NOW! My momentum just magically kicked in, as I noticed that it is already 12:45pm. Yikes.
OK, now that I have expressed my frustration properly, here is what's up.
I had a full day to work on some projects, some studying I need to get done so I can relax and enjoy a movie with my friend Riki tonight. I began with a run this morning at around 8am, and returned by 9ish. I did some simple chores, took a shower, ate breakfast. I literally YELLED at the guy YELLING next door to stop YELLING! This looks so funny in print, but I was so not laughing at the time. I yelled, "Con permiso, no MAS!". I actually feel quite proud of myself lately, regarding the workers next door. There is a lot of daily commotion, most of which I can do nothing about. But there are some things I just don't say anything about that could be different, like music blaring on a weekend at 8am!
Well, the other day, I asked politely, en espanol, for them to please turn the music down when it is early morning on a Sunday. The young man nodded, and proceeded to turn it down until a reasonable hour. I felt so good about this. But today, I lost my cool. The guy was yelling "Propio!" several times, trying to get his attention apparently, because it was time to take a break. It was 10am. How rude! I grumbled. Even after I yelled for him to stop, he continued. I guess he finally found his friend, or actually answered my plea, 'cause he eventually put an end to the hollering (until around 1pm when he had to get one more in).
Once I got over that, I decided to balance my check book. Not a bad idea, but I was avoiding my tasks at hand, which I am doing right now. I have a full laundry basket just waiting to be taken for a wash, rinse, and spin. I have incompleted flash cards for my least favorite statistics course.
I also have a paper I haven't started on the Premack Principle, which ironically enough has to do with what is happening now. Our instructor used a plate of food as an analogy. If there is some spinach, potatoes, and chocolate cake on the plate, what I am doing right now is eating the cake before my spinach. On Saturday, I ate spinach first (did my HW), and was able to thoroughly enjoy my cake, which was free time outside in the sunshine. Our assignment involves the changing of a habit, using this principle, and writing about it. I suppose I could say I am doing research right now. Or...it's just that damned inertia, moving me nowhere, keeping me stagnant, preventing me from fully living. Yep, that could be it, too.
Once again, I begin to feel a sense of impending doom, whenever I have such a loose plan for the day. Grrrr. Additionally, I am caught between simply writing for a living, and doing all the other psych crap in front of me first. Creative writing is my chocolate cake at the moment, with psychology being the spinach. Even more ironic is the fact that I eat a delicious spinach salad every day for lunch.
Alright, I am going to start....NOW! My momentum just magically kicked in, as I noticed that it is already 12:45pm. Yikes.
Saturday, March 8, 2008
5 Things
Here are 5 things that are different from 5 years ago:
1) I love and value myself. I ask for help when needed, and help others in need.
2) I actually enjoy eating spinach salads, and all sorts of fruits and veggies. Chocolate is really one of my only vices. My fave, dark chocolate, is said to be good for you. I am very healthy.
3) I laugh when I inhale a bug on a morning run...Mmm, protein. Oh yea, and I run, by choice. Unflippinbelievable.
4) I typically get between 7-9 hours of sleep per night. I awaken very early in the morning, between 5-7am. Wow.
5) I am truly grateful to be in school and without a job.
OK, there are way more than 5 things different about my life since 5 years have past...But I am aware that about 5 items will hold your attention, and that hasn't changed all that much...I still love attention! ;)
Hope you all enjoyed today! I sure did.
1) I love and value myself. I ask for help when needed, and help others in need.
2) I actually enjoy eating spinach salads, and all sorts of fruits and veggies. Chocolate is really one of my only vices. My fave, dark chocolate, is said to be good for you. I am very healthy.
3) I laugh when I inhale a bug on a morning run...Mmm, protein. Oh yea, and I run, by choice. Unflippinbelievable.
4) I typically get between 7-9 hours of sleep per night. I awaken very early in the morning, between 5-7am. Wow.
5) I am truly grateful to be in school and without a job.
OK, there are way more than 5 things different about my life since 5 years have past...But I am aware that about 5 items will hold your attention, and that hasn't changed all that much...I still love attention! ;)
Hope you all enjoyed today! I sure did.
Monday, March 3, 2008
The Eyes Have It
So, I went to the eye doctor today at 2pm. My eyes are still kinda dilated, round like saucers. I usually love getting those drops that are reminiscent of belladonna, which ladies would use to attract a man back in some other century (18th perhaps?). I think I look pretty sexy with huge pupils, especially now that I have them as a sober person. This pupil thing has been studied, you see. Apparently, when we are attracted to someone, our pupils enlarge. This will tend to interest the other person, because everyone appreciates being liked, and most people will find them interesting as a result. This is typically what I think about when I have visited the eye doctor. I enjoy going out in public on these days, as a rule choosing to stroll where I can easily see and be seen. ;)
Well, today was not one of those days. I am extremely near sighted. When my eyes get dilated, however, I am extremely far-sighted, leaving me blurry and just plain weird sighted up to about 4 feet. While cautiously driving home, I realized my most important task for the day must be put aside for later...my studying! I was so annoyed that I had not thought this through. My usual excitement faded, as I became less and less enamored by my sultry eyes. Grrr.
So I did what I do best in these situations. I fiddled, I fumbled, and ended up putting old photos in an album. This was actually kinda fun. And now, I must put these tired eyes to rest. They have been wide open for a bit too long. Good night all.
Well, today was not one of those days. I am extremely near sighted. When my eyes get dilated, however, I am extremely far-sighted, leaving me blurry and just plain weird sighted up to about 4 feet. While cautiously driving home, I realized my most important task for the day must be put aside for later...my studying! I was so annoyed that I had not thought this through. My usual excitement faded, as I became less and less enamored by my sultry eyes. Grrr.
So I did what I do best in these situations. I fiddled, I fumbled, and ended up putting old photos in an album. This was actually kinda fun. And now, I must put these tired eyes to rest. They have been wide open for a bit too long. Good night all.
Saturday, March 1, 2008
4 years and 358 days...
Next week, on March 8, 2008, I will have 5 continuous years of sobriety. That's 1,825 days.
My life has changed so dramatically between now and then, sometimes it's difficult to articulate. I have a completely different outlook on life. I treat myself and others with love, respect, and dignity. That was not my story 5 years ago. I have the ability to accept what IS, and let go of what is NOT, most days. I am powerless over alcohol and drugs, yet I can own my own power to live fully without resorting to using them as a coping tool. I have a new set of tools today. I ask for help when needed, and give help when I can. I am growing into the person I am meant to be.
I am in the process of a spiritual exfoliation. This includes letting go of old stuff, in every sense of the word. I have chosen today to clean out my closet, and other areas of clutter. This is symbolic of opening up my heart to the life I have always wanted, but have often denied myself in the past. I am ready to empty out all of what I used to hold onto for fear I may fall apart. I can allow myself to breathe in the space I create, so that may let love in. I have been closed for way too long.
In our 12 step fellowship, some may say that I am no longer a newcomer. That being said, it is time to be even more accountable, and grow up. I never realized that growing up is hard to do, even for a grown woman. What I thought was a near mid-life crisis is really essential growth. It's time to move past my old relationship patterns, and prepare for a true life partnership. I have yearned for this, yet I have been incapable of letting go of my old behavior. Now I am so ready, my eyelashes are burning, my toenails hurt, and my hair is itching. I guess the point has been made abundantly clear.
Anyway, life is good. Thank you for letting me share this important turning point.
Much love to all.
My life has changed so dramatically between now and then, sometimes it's difficult to articulate. I have a completely different outlook on life. I treat myself and others with love, respect, and dignity. That was not my story 5 years ago. I have the ability to accept what IS, and let go of what is NOT, most days. I am powerless over alcohol and drugs, yet I can own my own power to live fully without resorting to using them as a coping tool. I have a new set of tools today. I ask for help when needed, and give help when I can. I am growing into the person I am meant to be.
I am in the process of a spiritual exfoliation. This includes letting go of old stuff, in every sense of the word. I have chosen today to clean out my closet, and other areas of clutter. This is symbolic of opening up my heart to the life I have always wanted, but have often denied myself in the past. I am ready to empty out all of what I used to hold onto for fear I may fall apart. I can allow myself to breathe in the space I create, so that may let love in. I have been closed for way too long.
In our 12 step fellowship, some may say that I am no longer a newcomer. That being said, it is time to be even more accountable, and grow up. I never realized that growing up is hard to do, even for a grown woman. What I thought was a near mid-life crisis is really essential growth. It's time to move past my old relationship patterns, and prepare for a true life partnership. I have yearned for this, yet I have been incapable of letting go of my old behavior. Now I am so ready, my eyelashes are burning, my toenails hurt, and my hair is itching. I guess the point has been made abundantly clear.
Anyway, life is good. Thank you for letting me share this important turning point.
Much love to all.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Indecent Exposure and a Major Case of TMI
I have tried to suppress a memory, but it's impossible. I feel the need to share this. But...I even hesitated upon consideration of sharing it with anyone. I am totally embarrassed about something. So, I thought the easiest way to deal with it at this point is to share it with everyone.
OK, here's what happened. I have a MySpace page, and decided to add some of my students from the class at the high school where I used to work. I did this simply to keep in touch, since I quit working there to go to school full time, and knew that I'd be curious about what they are up to. Now, I have to admit that I have become quite attached to all of these kids, and have kept them on my page sort of as a means to check up on them. You know, I want to make sure they are not doing anything totally dangerous and see that they make smart choices now that they are growing up into sane, responsible young adults. At least they are almost adults.
Well, I saw something last night that made me seriously consider our boundary issues and their sound decision making skills. It's not that I haven't questioned either before now. I guess these issues became glaringly familiar, as I clicked on a bulletin of one such student. He stated "check this out hahahahahaa".
*DISCLAIMER: What I am about to convey may cause some to shudder with embarrassment and others to laugh uncontrollably. Here goes...
Check it out I did, as my curiosity got the best of me (as always). I saw the image of his face in a video. I hit play. What I saw was so inappropriate for public viewing, and is now etched in my mind as something I'd rather not have seen in my lifetime. Although what he was doing is perfectly natural, especially for a boy his age; but what the f#$% was he thinking airing something so private and personal to literally hundreds of friends?!?! Can we say attention-seeking? Ya think?
For those of you who are unfamiliar, the bulletins posted are sent to every friend on your page. He obviously wasn't thinking that his former teacher's aide would see him masturbating in plain view, destined to be scarred forever!!! OK, I am exaggerating just a bit. Like I said, I do recognize this as natural...but with the caveat that it is meant to be a private and personal event, at least here in our Western culture. I just have a really difficult time imagining that already, and he has unfortunately made it a lot easier to picture.
My first response was to email him immediately, advising him to think before he clicked, or whatever. I really wanted to tell him that was totally inappropriate and unnecessary, and get all parental about it. Then I stopped myself. What was I doing, giving him attention for something he knew would get precisely that response? I was not about to reinforce this behavior. So I turned off my computer, and seriouly thought of deleting him from my page.
These boundaries seem way too flimsy. I am not his mama. I am not even his staff anymore. What to do? He's a smart, talented kid acting like a jack ass. What are my motives? Why am I so attached to what all of them are up to? I cannot save them from themselves. Some lessons are better learned without interference from this wise, experienced adult. And who's to say I am that wise, anyway? I still make some choices that do not serve my best interest. I am still a work in progress.
Thank you for letting me share. I promise I will never share anything nearly as intimate as he just did. Ever. *sigh*
OK, here's what happened. I have a MySpace page, and decided to add some of my students from the class at the high school where I used to work. I did this simply to keep in touch, since I quit working there to go to school full time, and knew that I'd be curious about what they are up to. Now, I have to admit that I have become quite attached to all of these kids, and have kept them on my page sort of as a means to check up on them. You know, I want to make sure they are not doing anything totally dangerous and see that they make smart choices now that they are growing up into sane, responsible young adults. At least they are almost adults.
Well, I saw something last night that made me seriously consider our boundary issues and their sound decision making skills. It's not that I haven't questioned either before now. I guess these issues became glaringly familiar, as I clicked on a bulletin of one such student. He stated "check this out hahahahahaa".
*DISCLAIMER: What I am about to convey may cause some to shudder with embarrassment and others to laugh uncontrollably. Here goes...
Check it out I did, as my curiosity got the best of me (as always). I saw the image of his face in a video. I hit play. What I saw was so inappropriate for public viewing, and is now etched in my mind as something I'd rather not have seen in my lifetime. Although what he was doing is perfectly natural, especially for a boy his age; but what the f#$% was he thinking airing something so private and personal to literally hundreds of friends?!?! Can we say attention-seeking? Ya think?
For those of you who are unfamiliar, the bulletins posted are sent to every friend on your page. He obviously wasn't thinking that his former teacher's aide would see him masturbating in plain view, destined to be scarred forever!!! OK, I am exaggerating just a bit. Like I said, I do recognize this as natural...but with the caveat that it is meant to be a private and personal event, at least here in our Western culture. I just have a really difficult time imagining that already, and he has unfortunately made it a lot easier to picture.
My first response was to email him immediately, advising him to think before he clicked, or whatever. I really wanted to tell him that was totally inappropriate and unnecessary, and get all parental about it. Then I stopped myself. What was I doing, giving him attention for something he knew would get precisely that response? I was not about to reinforce this behavior. So I turned off my computer, and seriouly thought of deleting him from my page.
These boundaries seem way too flimsy. I am not his mama. I am not even his staff anymore. What to do? He's a smart, talented kid acting like a jack ass. What are my motives? Why am I so attached to what all of them are up to? I cannot save them from themselves. Some lessons are better learned without interference from this wise, experienced adult. And who's to say I am that wise, anyway? I still make some choices that do not serve my best interest. I am still a work in progress.
Thank you for letting me share. I promise I will never share anything nearly as intimate as he just did. Ever. *sigh*
Teenagers Get Blamed for Everything, Don't They?
Stereotyping Youth
Many stereotypes exist in our society today. There are plenty of preconceived ideas about particular ethnic, social, or cultural groups that affect everyone. A stereotype is a simplification or broad generalization made about a person or group of people. There is one particular group that is often overlooked as being stereotyped: our youth. Young people today face many challenges in our fast paced, media saturated society. Adolescents are caught between childhood and adulthood, and expected to behave as adults, causing misunderstanding and judgment. Teenagers become stereotyped as lazy, superficial, irresponsible, and cruel. Making generalizations about adolescents in this way is unfair because: they are making the challenging transition into adulthood, have adult expectations placed on them, and are heavily influenced by society at large.
First, teens are going through the most difficult stage of their young lives. They are maturing rapidly, heading towards adulthood, but are not quite ready to behave like a mature adult. They are still developing, and judging them as lazy or irresponsible hinders their delicate process. Adolescent development involves the learning of important life skills, which uses a lot of energy. Teens require between 10-12 hours of sleep per night, and usually are unable to, due to insomnia or other issues. Also, teens are developing their identity, or sense of self. This may present itself through excessive attention to one’s appearance, and focus on other superficialities like hairstyles and fashionable clothing. Young people have a tendency to forget important things to do, like calling home to check in, or doing homework before going out with friends. They are extremely self-centered at this stage of development, and in the process of learning how to prioritize. Sometimes teens are very irresponsible, but this does not include everyone at that age, at all times. In Adolescence, cruelty can arise as identities are threatened. This happens everywhere, and is not exclusive to teenagers.
Secondly, adolescents often have adult expectations placed on them. Adults see a fully grown person in front of them, and assume that their brain is also fully grown. Research has shown that the human brain is still developing at a rapid rate until the age of 30. So, teenagers have less impulse control. They will tend to make choices based on their impulse, and face negative consequences. This is a part of the learning process. With guidance, teens can learn to make smarter choices and grow into mature, responsible adults. Unrealistic expectations of our youth can also bring negative consequences to our society. We expect them to behave as adults, so they begin engaging in adult activities that they are not yet ready for. Parents and educators can benefit from teaching problem solving and social skills in adolescents, preparing them for young adulthood.
Finally, society at large has a powerful influence on our youth. Media and technology target young people, dictating how they should live. Inundated by advertisements on TV, radio, and magazines, teens make choices about what to wear and how to communicate. The internet is by far the most accessible source of information, allowing people of all ages to be influenced. Movies depict violence and disrespect toward women and people of color. Cell phones now have so many features, and can cost nearly $500. What is our society telling our youth? They are getting the message (by text, no doubt) that material wealth is beneficial and necessary. They are also being told that communication can be indirect and perfunctory, and perhaps should be. It is no surprise that youth in America, and now other countries like Japan and China, are considered superficial and lazy. They are constantly bombarded by cruelty in commercials and video games. Why visit someone in person when you can send them an IM? Our media centered culture perpetuates the stereotypes frequently used in describing our youth, and other targeted groups as a whole.
In conclusion, using stereotypes is hurtful and unfair to our youth, and society in general. It is important to realize the changes teens go through before reaching adulthood. It is naïve to assume that all teens are lazy, superficial, irresponsible, or cruel, with all the challenges they are facing during this time. Their transition into adulthood, the expectations made of them, and the influence of media, can make these years extremely difficult. So much learning takes place during adolescence. We need to allow them to make mistakes, offering our guidance and direction. Lessons are most valuable when people are allowed to fail as a part of the learning process. Failure is a necessary tool for growth, and inevitably leads to success, if given the chance for a do-over.
Many stereotypes exist in our society today. There are plenty of preconceived ideas about particular ethnic, social, or cultural groups that affect everyone. A stereotype is a simplification or broad generalization made about a person or group of people. There is one particular group that is often overlooked as being stereotyped: our youth. Young people today face many challenges in our fast paced, media saturated society. Adolescents are caught between childhood and adulthood, and expected to behave as adults, causing misunderstanding and judgment. Teenagers become stereotyped as lazy, superficial, irresponsible, and cruel. Making generalizations about adolescents in this way is unfair because: they are making the challenging transition into adulthood, have adult expectations placed on them, and are heavily influenced by society at large.
First, teens are going through the most difficult stage of their young lives. They are maturing rapidly, heading towards adulthood, but are not quite ready to behave like a mature adult. They are still developing, and judging them as lazy or irresponsible hinders their delicate process. Adolescent development involves the learning of important life skills, which uses a lot of energy. Teens require between 10-12 hours of sleep per night, and usually are unable to, due to insomnia or other issues. Also, teens are developing their identity, or sense of self. This may present itself through excessive attention to one’s appearance, and focus on other superficialities like hairstyles and fashionable clothing. Young people have a tendency to forget important things to do, like calling home to check in, or doing homework before going out with friends. They are extremely self-centered at this stage of development, and in the process of learning how to prioritize. Sometimes teens are very irresponsible, but this does not include everyone at that age, at all times. In Adolescence, cruelty can arise as identities are threatened. This happens everywhere, and is not exclusive to teenagers.
Secondly, adolescents often have adult expectations placed on them. Adults see a fully grown person in front of them, and assume that their brain is also fully grown. Research has shown that the human brain is still developing at a rapid rate until the age of 30. So, teenagers have less impulse control. They will tend to make choices based on their impulse, and face negative consequences. This is a part of the learning process. With guidance, teens can learn to make smarter choices and grow into mature, responsible adults. Unrealistic expectations of our youth can also bring negative consequences to our society. We expect them to behave as adults, so they begin engaging in adult activities that they are not yet ready for. Parents and educators can benefit from teaching problem solving and social skills in adolescents, preparing them for young adulthood.
Finally, society at large has a powerful influence on our youth. Media and technology target young people, dictating how they should live. Inundated by advertisements on TV, radio, and magazines, teens make choices about what to wear and how to communicate. The internet is by far the most accessible source of information, allowing people of all ages to be influenced. Movies depict violence and disrespect toward women and people of color. Cell phones now have so many features, and can cost nearly $500. What is our society telling our youth? They are getting the message (by text, no doubt) that material wealth is beneficial and necessary. They are also being told that communication can be indirect and perfunctory, and perhaps should be. It is no surprise that youth in America, and now other countries like Japan and China, are considered superficial and lazy. They are constantly bombarded by cruelty in commercials and video games. Why visit someone in person when you can send them an IM? Our media centered culture perpetuates the stereotypes frequently used in describing our youth, and other targeted groups as a whole.
In conclusion, using stereotypes is hurtful and unfair to our youth, and society in general. It is important to realize the changes teens go through before reaching adulthood. It is naïve to assume that all teens are lazy, superficial, irresponsible, or cruel, with all the challenges they are facing during this time. Their transition into adulthood, the expectations made of them, and the influence of media, can make these years extremely difficult. So much learning takes place during adolescence. We need to allow them to make mistakes, offering our guidance and direction. Lessons are most valuable when people are allowed to fail as a part of the learning process. Failure is a necessary tool for growth, and inevitably leads to success, if given the chance for a do-over.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Celebrating Life
I attended a memorial today, with a long reception following, filled with family and friends. We joined together to remember my friend's father, he himself unable to remember much in the last 14 years. He was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 1994. Riki came home to care for him alongside his mother, May, spending every day with him for the last 7 years. His name was Masanori Matsumura, and everyone called him Mas.
I met Riki's dad a few times through the years, but mostly we just said hello here and there and didn't talk much. Riki and my brother John were friends all through high school, so I didn't know Riki and his family too well.
Well, the last time I saw Mas was December 21st, 2007, just after Riki and I went to lunch. Mas was bundled up in blankets, eyes closed and watery. He had hiccups, which seemed to bother him. Riki and May played word games, rhyming with him to prompt words to come forth. Well, he said my name, in response to Riki singing "Michelle, my belle!" I was touched by this moment, witnessing an every day miracle. It was so powerful to watch this beautiful family staying connected. My visit was indescribably wonderful. I held hands with Mas, kissing him on the cheek as I said Goodbye. 3 weeks later, he let go. Now he is at peace.
As I watched the video that Riki produced, replete with childhood pictures, music, and tender words of love spoken to his "darling May", tears rolled down my face, as was the case with most of us. Laughter escaped our trembling lips, as Riki slipped in some very well placed humor for our hearts to smile. I saw pictures of Mas with his brother and sister, and then watched as Riki and his sisters appeared, closer than ever. Later, at the house, I was privileged to meet the entire Matsumura family present. Everyone was completely real, with smiles and tears abound. We had plenty of food and conversation, talking for hours. I watched Riki play with Lucy, friend Mary's 3 year old daughter. She proclaimed he'd play the daddy and she'd be the baby, and then they would switch. They adore each other, and I noticed how good he connects with kids.
I didn't want to leave early as I previously predicted. I skipped my class, and stayed until 8pm. When I did go, the remaining family members walked me to my car at the church around the corner. At one point, May and I walked arm and arm alone in the dark, and Riki joined us to ensure our safety. He reminded me of the flowers I had forgotten, having brought them to me. We all said our goodbyes, and I went home feeling warm and tired in the cold, winter night. Away from city lights, the stars shone brightly, sending us well wishes as changes come.
I have some personal changes happening lately, but I cannot imagine what it must feel like to suddenly have all this freedom to choose what to do for the day, when just weeks ago, Mas needed constant care. What does this mean for Riki, who put his adult life on hold for the past 7 years? Where will life lead him now?
I have fallen in love. I adore Riki and his entire family. This is one of those moments when I have to wonder...Why haven't I noticed this incredibly amazing person before? Such humility is often overlooked. He quietly and graciously put aside all that matters to him in his personal life to be with his father. He pursued his interests in film, yet within a limited capacity. Now he can plunge into the deep pool of life again. I hope I will be there when he does.
This I know for certain: I am grateful for being fully present today, able to be there for Riki, May, and the rest of the family. What an experience.
Peace and love to all of you!
~~Masanori "Mas" Matsumura~~
~August 16th, 1937-January 12th, 2008~
I met Riki's dad a few times through the years, but mostly we just said hello here and there and didn't talk much. Riki and my brother John were friends all through high school, so I didn't know Riki and his family too well.
Well, the last time I saw Mas was December 21st, 2007, just after Riki and I went to lunch. Mas was bundled up in blankets, eyes closed and watery. He had hiccups, which seemed to bother him. Riki and May played word games, rhyming with him to prompt words to come forth. Well, he said my name, in response to Riki singing "Michelle, my belle!" I was touched by this moment, witnessing an every day miracle. It was so powerful to watch this beautiful family staying connected. My visit was indescribably wonderful. I held hands with Mas, kissing him on the cheek as I said Goodbye. 3 weeks later, he let go. Now he is at peace.
As I watched the video that Riki produced, replete with childhood pictures, music, and tender words of love spoken to his "darling May", tears rolled down my face, as was the case with most of us. Laughter escaped our trembling lips, as Riki slipped in some very well placed humor for our hearts to smile. I saw pictures of Mas with his brother and sister, and then watched as Riki and his sisters appeared, closer than ever. Later, at the house, I was privileged to meet the entire Matsumura family present. Everyone was completely real, with smiles and tears abound. We had plenty of food and conversation, talking for hours. I watched Riki play with Lucy, friend Mary's 3 year old daughter. She proclaimed he'd play the daddy and she'd be the baby, and then they would switch. They adore each other, and I noticed how good he connects with kids.
I didn't want to leave early as I previously predicted. I skipped my class, and stayed until 8pm. When I did go, the remaining family members walked me to my car at the church around the corner. At one point, May and I walked arm and arm alone in the dark, and Riki joined us to ensure our safety. He reminded me of the flowers I had forgotten, having brought them to me. We all said our goodbyes, and I went home feeling warm and tired in the cold, winter night. Away from city lights, the stars shone brightly, sending us well wishes as changes come.
I have some personal changes happening lately, but I cannot imagine what it must feel like to suddenly have all this freedom to choose what to do for the day, when just weeks ago, Mas needed constant care. What does this mean for Riki, who put his adult life on hold for the past 7 years? Where will life lead him now?
I have fallen in love. I adore Riki and his entire family. This is one of those moments when I have to wonder...Why haven't I noticed this incredibly amazing person before? Such humility is often overlooked. He quietly and graciously put aside all that matters to him in his personal life to be with his father. He pursued his interests in film, yet within a limited capacity. Now he can plunge into the deep pool of life again. I hope I will be there when he does.
This I know for certain: I am grateful for being fully present today, able to be there for Riki, May, and the rest of the family. What an experience.
Peace and love to all of you!
~~Masanori "Mas" Matsumura~~
~August 16th, 1937-January 12th, 2008~
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Tea Stories
REMEMBER: IT'S NEVER JUST A CUP OF TEA!
I used to see this guy I'll call William (alias). He and I would meet for tea, and inevitably other activities would ensue. We spent time away after dating briefly. A relationship just wasn't working out, but we couldn't stay away from each other's bedrooms. Well, every time we would reconnect, he would initiate by asking me to tea. After a while, we'd laugh, knowing that this was essentially a euphemism for something other than just a cup of tea. One time, he even clarified that he was asking me to go have an actual beverage.
Anyway, I don't see William much anymore, which is working out alright so far. I drink tea alone or with friends, occasionally having a private giggle at the story behind this enticingly hot beverage.
I used to see this guy I'll call William (alias). He and I would meet for tea, and inevitably other activities would ensue. We spent time away after dating briefly. A relationship just wasn't working out, but we couldn't stay away from each other's bedrooms. Well, every time we would reconnect, he would initiate by asking me to tea. After a while, we'd laugh, knowing that this was essentially a euphemism for something other than just a cup of tea. One time, he even clarified that he was asking me to go have an actual beverage.
Anyway, I don't see William much anymore, which is working out alright so far. I drink tea alone or with friends, occasionally having a private giggle at the story behind this enticingly hot beverage.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Discovering Me
I can be a barefoot walk on the beach, on a warm summer evening at sunset. I could be your hero, but I am not. You are your hero...find it within. I find humor in the habits of strangers, or friends I have yet to meet. I can be found in nature, a breath of life on every corner, smiling at the birds and freshness of flowers. I love the sound of my own voice, yet lately others sound amazing. Listening is becoming a spiritual experience.
I am human...hear me whisper, shout, giggle, and cry. Hear my words, they are simpler than before. Why say more?
I am human...hear me whisper, shout, giggle, and cry. Hear my words, they are simpler than before. Why say more?
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